At the wrong Platform

I was standing at the  platform of a train station waiting for my train to arrive... the scene was busy, with endless number of people boarding on, getting off, and most were just like  me waiting for their particular train number to arrive as they sat on the benches.                                 
Time ticked by slowly. One second at a time. I looked at my ticket which read 49B, 11:13 hours, to the yellow brick road...
One arrived and the same one departed. The routine was too monotonous that I soon began to predict what I had observed as I sat there on the bench with music plugged in my ears.
After several trains I looked at my time it was 11:11 so I got my things ready and waited on the second  platform. Waited and waited until time went past faster than scheduled so I picked up my luggage and walked towards a uniform officer who directed me to the help desk by the entrance of the station.   
As I got there and explained how I was to get on the train to the yellow brick road the person behind looked at me sympathetically as if something had terribly gone wrong.  
Unsure and surprised I asked her what had been the problem .She looked up at me and said "Darling this is not a train ticket, but an airplane ticket..."                        
I couldn't believe that. All this while I was not only waiting at the wrong platform but I was waiting for the wrong mode of transportation as well..                                    
So I quickly took a cab to the airport but by then I had already missed my flight to the yellow brick road. So I cancelled and booked the next one out while my seat still remained the same at 49B...

Often I find myself writing great poems when I have sipped on some alcohol... :) Doesn't usually happen all the time but once in a blue moon I strike the emotional side of me and words keep flowing... when it happens I usually write because I have either found my muse or my thoughts are left wandering through the dead of the night.

Lonestar

Days like today
I think of what could have been
Loneliness seems to strike
And it's always you in the end
Unable to be together I wait...
Wondering if it's the best decision?
Wondering what if I never pull through?     
I've got no steady anchor
But I definitely got some soul
Meaningless and broken
Part of me is breathing
And half of me is left.
                                       
Why am I still searching?     
For answers when there are none.
Never thought it would feel so free
Now I know what's meant to be
And that's okay with me...

12.12.12

One of those nights yet again
Sleepless and tired in bed
And am left to wander
What it means to be haunted in ones dreams

The sudden feeling of realization
Or the slowly moving backward clock that refuses to tell time.
An uneasy feeling overshadowed the mood
As my breath got heavier and louder.

The heat started to get unbearable
But a picture was the perfect representation
of hungry and loneliness that that remained...

As light as the feather in between the leaves
they dried along cohesively with the season
Was it early this year?
Old memories that are overdue and expired
Need to be off the shelves in every store

Letting Go

As I separated one white balloon from the rest of the bunch

I held it close to my bosom,

I thought of the last few months 

and how life flipped suddenly topsy-turvy .

I took within all that I had into that Balloon 

my feelings and emotions...

Reasons that even the heart is not familiar with,

Feelings that shattered the tainted windows,

and emotions that were beyond my control. 

As I held it close

I realized that it must go up high into the air

Like the little kids trying to get theirs  to rise

except here their innocence is untainted 

so their un-carved block remains safe.

With much strength and a brave face

I let the balloon up into the air

and let the winds of change decide its fate...

Unexpected Encounter

This morning I awoke,
You brightened my day
You made me forget everything
As i was soon lost in your gaze
"Looking Good", I thought to myself...

You close your eyes and kiss me gently
But wait that was just a dream
Or what I wanted to believe at least
I lay there pondering
How had he noticed me?
In a rather crowded place...

It was a slightly longer hug
not wanting to let go and yearning some more
We said our goodbyes and rushed off in opposite directions

On a familiar road he embarked
Like a hero leading 17 troops
Fighting dusty roads staying calm
Fighting to get to the other side.
All this while thinking of his lady
To gain strength to continue
Into a territory strange to him

All he had of hers to remind him was a strand of hair
that fell on his shirt when they embraced for goodbye.

She was one step ahead in certainty
and one step behind in uncertainty
she longed to see him again
maybe day after as he said

He always made her feel the happiest
Especially when the sun didn't seem to shine...

Winter

Even the saddest songs do not make me sad anymore,
Each time it hurts it gets easier
To raise my head and look forward.

Like a puppet on a string I was played
Naively dancing along to those awful tunes
But little did I realize the purpose behind a gift so evil
That it even made the puppet master himself go blind...

Blind to his True Emotions!
Blind to his True Feelings!
Blind to his True Self!

The heart is fragile yet strong
It tends to forgive easily
Even though it never forgets...

I wonder how you are.
Do you still think of me....?
Does time really move forward as they say?

The autumn leaves fell on the ground
earlier than anticipated
The fruit of the loom was unripe this time
Soon with winter life paced slow...

I'm cold but my warm heart continues to glow
a burning light within me
They all knew it would die one day
Only I was stupid enough to hold onto HOPE...

Dark Glaciers

Unable to think of what to expect
I left this melancholic sadness
Doubting of all my actions
Clearing of all my doubts
And cleansing the mind

I waited and waited
Nothing and no one showed up
Was this all I am destined for?
Is this all I am meant to be?
I've stopped believing in fate.

C'est La Vie!
Life is getting complicated
The need to love thyself first
As feelings are hard to come by easily
And only you bring me comfort

What is this if its just attachment?
What is this if it's only jealousy?
What is this if it's too insecure?
What is this if it's just love?
Something definitely not enough...

sounds and Music

"Shhh...You whisper so loud"
Haha... I think I am drunk!!!

"It will Rain" by Bruno Mars played in the background as she sipped some Special C with water this time. Her thirst was quenched and her throat was smooth for another round!!! She just needed the perfect company for tonight but she was stood up again. He had picked going out over her again to which she drowned her sorrows in dismay...


to be contd...

Hopeless Romantic

For Nothing is like that feeling
when everything seems so rightWhen someone can set your heart afire

and you find yourself
dreaming for days

The heart clouds the vision
so perfection is all you want to see
With every breath you try and dream
of just how perfect  it all could be

You get this amazing feeling
Coming and leaving in a quick rush
As helpless as you might feel
Attraction by looks seldom last 

Where as day by day and year by year
You continue to search and hold on
to find the true meaning
of what it is and what it is to become...

Motivational Wednesday

I’ve learned-
that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them.

I’ve learned-
that no matter how much I care, some people just don’t care back.

I’ve learned-
that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.

I’ve learned-
that no matter how good a friend is, they’re going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I’ve learned-
that it’s not what you have in your life but who you have in your life that counts.

I’ve learned-
that you should never ruin an apology with an excuse.

I’ve learned-
that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you’d better know something.

I’ve learned-
that you shouldn’t compare yourself to the best others can do.

I’ve learned-
that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.

I’ve learned-
that it’s taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

I’ve learned-
that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

I’ve learned-
that you can keep going long after you can’t.

I’ve learned-
that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I’ve learned-
that either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I’ve learned-
that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place.

I’ve learned-
that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I’ve learned-
that money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I’ve learned-
that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.

I’ve learned-
that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you’re down will be the ones to help you get back up.

I’ve learned-
that sometimes when I’m angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn’t give me the right to be cruel.

I’ve learned-
that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.

I’ve learned-
that just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have.

I’ve learned-
that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you’ve had and what you’ve learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you’ve celebrated.

I’ve learned-
that you should never tell a child their dreams are unlikely or outlandish. Few things are more humiliating, and what a tragedy it would be if they believed it.

I’ve learned-
that your family won’t always be there for you. It may seem funny, but people you aren’t related to can take care of you and love you and teach you to trust people again. Families aren’t biological.

I’ve learned-
that it isn’t always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you are to learn to forgive yourself.

I’ve learned-
that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn’t stop for your grief.

I’ve learned-
that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

I’ve learned-
that a rich person is not the one who has the most, but is one who needs the least.

I’ve learned-
that just because two people argue, it doesn’t mean they don’t love each other. And just because they don’t argue, it doesn’t mean they do.

I’ve learned-
that we don’t have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

I’ve learned-
that you shouldn’t be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.

I’ve learned-
that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

I’ve learned-
that no matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get hurt and you will hurt in the process.

I’ve learned-
that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.

I’ve learned-
that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

I’ve learned-
that the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.

I’ve learned-
that it’s hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice and not hurting people’s feelings, and standing up for what you believe.

I’ve learned-
that people will forget what you said, and people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

By Omer B. Washington

For Good- Wicked

When I was studying at Kodaikanal International School, music and sports led to be a better person. It taught me great values that I will never forget.

One song I will never forget is the one we sang for our graduation day:
The lyrics moved me and here's how it goes:

I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you

Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good

It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me 
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend...

Like a ship blown from its mooring 
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you

And just to clear the air
I ask forgiveness
For the thing I've done you blame me for
But then, I guess we know
There's blame to share
And none of it seems to matter anymore

Dreaming Again

In silent moments of Solitude
I've gathered my thoughts
Feeling that once stood ground
are now at half mast.
Unable to have a clear vision
I'm left far behind...
With an empty pocket
and a sun burnt face
Slowly a silhouette appeared
Before me i vaguely saw it was he.
The mysterious man with the same face
haunting my dreams constantly
with vivid emotions
not once, not twice but three times

Each time i failed to see the face
an identity so concealed
a blinding halo
that was once his to wear.
A fallen soldier
in dire search of a maiden
with hope and happiness
until he gave that away too.

A fair maiden was she
with the purest of heart
Like the whiteness of the fairest dove
If only she had been set free
out into the dangerous world
Then only would she understand
the perils of this brave soldier.

Almond Blossoms

Van Gogh writes of the weather and that the almond trees are coming into full flower, "The weather here is changeable, often windy with turbulent skies, but the almond trees are beginning to flower everywhere."

Theo wrote to his brother Vincent on January 31, 1890 to announce the birth of his son, Vincent Willem Van Gogh. As a means of celebration, Van Gogh began work on a painting for Theo and his wife. He was very close to his brother and he sought to symbolize new life in the flowers of the almond tree for the birth of baby Vincent.

Van Gogh wrote to his mother of the birth of Theo and Jo's baby,

"How glad I was when the news came... I should have greatly preferred him to call the boy after Father, of whom I have been thinking so much these days, instead of after me; but seeing it has now been done, I started right away to make a picture for him, to hang in their bedroom, big branches of white almond blossom against a blue sky."

The composition is unlike any other of Van Gogh's paintings. The branches of the almond tree seem to float against the blue sky and fill the picture plane. The close-up of the branches brings to mind Delacroix's proposition that "even a part of a thing is kind of a complete entity in itself." Dark lines outline the branches. This is a feature that Van Gogh had admired in Japanese floral studies that, for example, may depict of a portion of a stalk of bamboo in an empty space. The bright color is reflective of the paintings made in Arles and the transformational work Van Gogh had on the still life genre..

Trembling of Time

Heartless as the cold december night
She put on a brave face...
His heart cried for mercy
As it reflected through the sadness in his eyes
The high cheek bones of weariness
Were his only outlook...

Her eyes dropped tears
In constant with the falling rain outside
With feelings of hopelessness
And stirred emotions
He was all she ever knew.
Even though the future seemed distant
She strongly believed in him
And the love she had for him
Which he would never find out...

But,
He thought of her as a miserable witch
Who did nothin but castes spells
Stole his heart and then threw it away.
To him she was heartless, emotionless
And selfish all by nature...
Somehow he still hadn't understood her
After all these years!!!

What he didn't know was that she was very different.
Kind hearted, gentle, thoughtful and caring.
Every night before she slept
she always thought of him and prayed
With longing-ness to be in his arms...
But he locked himself in a tower
That stood high above the rest
And further away from everyone especially her...

With next January she grew tired of his games
As frail as the barren oak trees
And as leafless as the evergreen ones
She needed him to stay strong
But he pushed himself away
Unable to understand the person she is
And soon after he took his own life
Not realizing it caused hers to follow too!

C'est La Vie

Four hours passes as dawn slowly broke
No love nor happiness
Dull as the shivering grey morning
The skies cried for clarity
As tunes on the radio went silent
With patient waiting
And no room for change
All ignites for hope was (((lost)))
With stolen promises
and refusal to rekindle old flames
Darkness stood bolder than ever
Until the first dew was formed
Was there ever a choice?
Like the soft petals of a rose
No sunshine nor rain
Would ever know of the pain
As Feelings and time stood still.

Fast Lane

Greatness is what is yet to come...
And only I myself can fool me

((((((Everyone can be sad))))))

Even though the green light blinked
I know wasnt ready to go...
This is just the way it is
So I drove away even faster~

I dug the deepest pit
And dived right into it
Knowing what lay ahead
As I just wanted to be happy

"What would you want me to be?
I want you to be good to yourself!
Why do you need me so much?
I need you because only you matter!..."

Thus falling deeper and deeper into this pool of darkness

I fell knowing you wanted me more and more!
But I'm stuck here in this dark hole
With no answers
leaving you even more clueless than you already are...


I see this life going steady .. 
Not in need of anything and
Not in want of anything either
Just pure simplicity with happiness


Do you promise to keep me happy?

Melancholic Raindrops

The endless downpour sparked creativity within
Laziness suddenly overcome by ideas
Spontaneous and mindless...
Ignorant of the consequences for 'if'

The ride was slightly bumpy
Not because of the road
But the emotions that yet again stirred
One week, two weeks and even three
Time didn't matter any more...

The splattering of rain drops,
The swiftness of the wiper,
And a figure emerging from a far,
While the music shuffled to appeal,
Seemed all too soothing of a night.

Conversations constant in rhythm,
A journey filled with laughter.
Inquisitive as the mind may be
The answers satisfied the moment
While the rain kept pouring...

I felt happy to be amongst the star
That hadn't yet fallen...
Nor was it lonely up there
Rather the light kept on shinning
And guided me in times of darkness...

Temptations of softness,
But the end is always bitter.
Hopeful for another encounter,
When "all's well that ends well".
Perhaps another day when it pours?

My religion is Practical

Never been a religious type of person ever since i was little but that doesn't make me an atheist either.
Well the root of my beliefs set foot only once i was a bit older but that wasn't just plain Buddhism. Most often people believe that because we are born in a Buddhist country we are binded by Buddhism but that is not the case.
I studied in Bhutan till i was in Grade 4, don't have any memories of attending tsechu's or family lochay's during holy days but rather the only thing i remember till date is being taken by my Asha all over Bhutan during the holidays and weekends visiting sacred nyes and lhakhangs. This was all the religious influence i received from the family before i was sent to a convent school for a few years and then to another multicultural christian school in India until i finished grade 12.
Up until now being away from home, took me further apart from knowing what Buddhism was all about and i based all my knowledge on the practical beliefs i held and applied them where i knew it to be most appropriate. Even today, I wouldn't say i am not a religious person like some of the people my age are but i would think of myself to be more of a practical person trying to help people not through religion but with good intentions to improve their livelihood. My family was not pressuring me to attend anything here and there too which further led me away from understanding my own religion.
But now that i am back in Bhutan i promised myself to explore further into understanding and knowing Buddhism beyond what i know and to accept religion as it is and now as how i wish it to be.
A positive start henceforth!!

Yesterday, it was Drukpa Tse Zhi and along with a few office staff, we went to Dechenphodrang at 7:30 am as we all had donated money to give the monastic body there to pray for the well being of our king, country and people. Had been there just a few times as the early morning was refreshing and the scene was absolutely breath taking.

Here are some of the images from the morning:

Walk Walk Walk

Recently I started going on walks and light jogging to Sangay gang since i stopped calisthenics about a month back since mid June. It's a nice place close to where i live in Motithang and the place is quiet and serene which is ideal for walking in the evenings. You end up meeting alot of familiar faces along the way who are either brisk walking, walking their dog, jogging, running while there are also those riding their bikes panting up the path... However, i noticed that many people you tend to meet who are completely or partial strangers tend to avoid eye contact when they encounter each other while walking. 

Apparently there are three different routes to get to the top but i took the normal paved road since i wanted to test my endurance and speed. It took about 30 minutes to get to the top as this was just my second day!!! So i took pictures along the way to capture what i see to share with you all :) 

A graffiti on the stone walls in Sangaygang

Add A bend in the Road

A view of Motithang and Thimphu from top

Time Stood Still

"Service to one's country that ends so tragically is the highest form of patriotism..." Even though words of faith are very comforting at a time of loss, there are many people we meet in life. Some do deeds of greatness while others just wait for something to happen. But of all that, one man today is truly a proud hero of our nation as there is none greater than a man who gives his life for the country.

So as the yellow-orange colors of our flag were being neatly folded away, the funeral parade stood still in attention before finally raising their weapons and firing three-volley gun salutes in the air. The honor, courage and respect each soldier had today was overshadowed by this sudden tragedy. Yet words such as bravery and pride were echoing from every mouth to ear.

The cremation ground was filled completely with soldiers from RBA (Royal Bhutan Army), RBG (Royal Bhutan Guard) and the Police. Even though the Prime Minister and the Home Minister were present along with Former Minister Nado Rinchen, Cabinet Secretary Dasho Penden Wangchuk, Home and Cultural Secretary Tshering Dorji,  and a few notable faces. I personally felt the lack of representation as there were hardly any government officials (Ministers, MP's), nor the media, and only a few ladies present when the parade was taking place which further led to the burning of the three bodies. 

The two sides to a Story...

Just as how chivalry seems to be dead these days, Bhutanese weddings are turning out to more than just a social gathering in comparison to the sacred meaning these ceremonies had many, many years ago.

Dating back to 50 years when our grandparents or even when some of our parents got married, marriage was considered a holy matrimony between two couples that fell in love or had arranged marriages. Correct me if i’m wrong but in contrast to that, now days the sanctity of marriages is losing its traditional value and becoming more of convenience. Tradition is certainly losing its place in society especially in a place like Thimphu.

Early days, they didn’t have grand ceremonies but rather the groom would ask the bride’s parents for their daughters hand in marriage and thus consented would be proclaimed husband and wife. Even today, in the villages of Bhutan there are no such celebrations for a wedding but rather there are no parties nor would a feast be given. Instead the village would get together to give a small simple lunch for those who come to congratulate the newly proclaimed husband and wife. In most cases, there would be no such wedding but only in the case of when the girl would give birth, she would be considered as married.

For some since their parents lived in the villages and they in the city,  it was hard to get consent so they never really got married officially but started living together. As Agay doye says it “ Getting married wasn’t as complicated as these days...”

Tradition here has picked up that one throws large parties that assemble gatherings where you invite people you both know or don’t know and give lunch during the tenday and dinner for the rest of the community. In contrast if there was a wedding in the village or those days, a small lunch would be given and at night they would consume alcohol and offer advice to the newlyweds of their new life together.
There is a sense of community unlike now days here in Thimphu where everything has become individualistic and people are greedier and all motivated towards having more money. They feel that in dzongkhags such as Thimphu people throw away money unnecessarily to celebrate weddings and any occasions while in the villages tradition still remains intact with the people!

“There won’t be any huge party or a feast but some would prepare lunch meant for small gatherings and that was it...A simple Bhutanese wedding...” says Ap Tenzin. For him in the earlier days and back in his village in Trongsa, people still stuck together as one community and everyone would contribute one way or the other. For example, take building a house; the cost was minimum and the procedures was simple. We didn’t have to ask anyone for permission like now days to build in our own land as we had the right. The better off people would build three stories and those who couldn’t build just one story with Bamboo. Even the roofs were made from bamboo explains Doye and Tenzin.

Thus, impermanence and simplicity is what we all must strive for while still being kind and thoughtful!

Perfect Getaway

In my search for Happiness
I found Solitude
For reasons beyond any reasons
Not even the brightest star in the sky
Could falter to the night's discomfort.

As darkness seemed to soothe the troubled heart
Beyond darkness I caught the bright star
Up close it dazzled me blind
But I trusted my conscience
and walked the sheer wilderness.

For I was alone this time
But it did not mean complete loneliness
For I found comfort in myself
Next to a pristine little pond
and a hermit meditating.

Somebody I Know

I Slept in fear
As I have done a countless number of times
But this time it was different for good.

The endless insecurities and jealousy
screwed over any love I had
My eyes bled a thousand tears
But I cry no more
I stand stronger than I've ever been
Braver, smarter and Honest with myself

How much longer could I bare it all?
The injustice of my soul
and the scars I shall forever hold
The outer shell was of the purest form
While internally it grew toxic
Painlessly numb from it all.

The road wasn't very long
I took the one less traveled
and it still made no difference.
The war was over at last \
and I'm left without any faith....

Cold Cold Heart

Oh! dear sister she cried
Sipping any of the last whisky left
Embracing her youngest child
She wailed louder and louder

Death is never easy especially that of your own...
Whether she was a deaf or a mute
She would always be her own flesh and blood
With barely any communication
They spoke with just hand signals
For today she no longer exists

Leaving behind 9 family members
From a remote place in khasadrapchu
Poorer than the poorest
They begged for asylum
And aid for their crematory rites...

The monks had no compassion
Nor did they have any empathy
The poor were treated like pebbles
Even the Rituals were hurried
This defied the purpose of Buddhism
And my heart felt like it was staying behind...

So as I left the crematory grounds
I promised Asha to be back!

Wish Today Never Happened

Something cheerless about the room today
the silence is almost excruciatingly painful
Similar to a funeral home surrounded by death.

There's a small girl in the corner
Her face I could tell was in total dismal
She stood idle facing a plain white wall
Her halo turned dull
And when I saw her face
I started to cry

I could read her clearly somehow
torn between two hearts
Which wasn't hard to see
But she had lost one today
and it was tearing her apart.

My shadow moved clearly behind her
a reflection that wasn't blur
a state of confusion as I felt her pain
Her knight in shining armour had died today
the day they were to get married at the altar

Just like a ghost waiting to be heard again
He was the one who taught her how to love.
Now she was all alone
afraid and fearful of whats to come next
as without him, she was almost as dead.

Her silent tears echo back in the empty room
with a sad smile she looked at me
"There's still hope left" she said
I have enough love still in my heart
as I always see him in my dreams...

Then weeping silently I left the room
feeling melancholic and hopeless!

If Dreams Lasted Longer :::

It stood far away,
this place I saw in my dreams,
A lowly shack built like a stilt
Reminiscing about my old days
I found myself looking through the pictures and Videos
Like flashbacks and ghosts of the present all stood around me...

However, I was visited by a familiar face I was very fond of
The gentleness of the physique
the softness of the face reminded me:
In this unfamiliar territory that i wasn't alone.
Everyone stood around gazing at him
and my smile could clearly tell that
He came here for me...

And Lo! There I was in his arms the next moment,
While only pictures of another familiar face floated around.
But that wasn't my priority tonight
All I knew was
I was safe by his side
and he was there for me...

Back rubs and our fingers slowly touched
until our palms found each other
My heart beamed if only you could see
Like a small girl seeing her crush walk towards her
Gazing together out towards the starlit skies
Butterflies were stirring up within me...

"Don't know if i could be..." the song started to play
 with loud buzzing vibrations..
Soon enough, it wasn't my dream anymore,
but my phone waking me up
for it was 6:45 pm on a saturday night!!

I AM...

I am a Gun with no Ammunition
but always ready to shoot,

I am the Feet that is bare
Always walking the extra mile,

I am the neck that has turned blue
sore from being strangled,

I am the arm that is scarred
The number of times I've cut myself,

I am the eyes that see the world
But I was born Blind,

I am the Body that is wounded,
the constant blows and battery I've received,

I am the stomach on the operation table
from the 3rd abortion and mis carriages,

I am the Lips of an Angel
that silence none when in need,

I am the faith that moved mountains
But my religion is free,

I am the camera that sees the truth
expressed in pain and reality,

I am the Music that holds meaningful lyrics
Like an art with a thousand expression,

I am the dover waiting to fly
Killed instead with no Freedom,

I am the Pen mightier than the sword
linking words together making a story,

I am the Sky above your head
unpredictable any minute,

Finally, I am the word
Braver than all words combined.

Damage Control

Silently weeping under the covers of the quilt,
Desperately Wishing To fall asleep quickly
Endlessly thoughts running through my head
Wondering when dawn would break?

Hopes crushed, false promises yet again broken
Pain caused and silences the night
While lights dim low
and i turn my face towards the paneled wall
Hoping for a better day tomorrow...

This moment is painful
All I long for is to sleep the night away
Doubts, Unrational decisions and anger did break loose
And things will never be the same again!!!

What may be said now is forgotten the next day
Un kept words that hope placed trust upon
Just as the rain washes away the muddy paths
So does time when all is in haste...

I doubt this all makes sense right now,
Happiness is impermanent And I cannot control
Neither mine nor yours
As moments hold a higher place~

"Sometimes fate is like a sandstorm that keeps changing direction"

You change direction but the sandstorm chases you. You turn again but the storm adjusts. Over and over you play it out, like some ominous dance with death just before dawn.?Why? Because this storm isn't sometime that blew in from far away, something that has nothing to do with you.!This storm is you, something inside you. So all you can do is give into it, step right inside the storm,?closing your eyes and plugging up your ears so the sand doesn't get in and walk through it, step by step. There's no sun, moon, direction, sense of time there. Just fine white sand swirling up into the sky like pulverized bones...
(Kafka on the Shore,4)

Tarayana Fair: 4-6th May

Face painting done by a Volunteer (yeshey Nidup)

Yeshey, Kinley and Ashim Yiwang

With my Sister Yiwang

#2 Win at Car Race

With Yeshey Lhaden

The Sounds of a Meloncholic Raindrop

With each heavy rain drop the clouds got lighter
The roof danced in happiness along with the black out!
So silently i sat there embracing the splashing sound:
The sound of the rain filling the drains
And slowly overflowing onto the pavement...

My pillow was the only comfort outside this darkness
Clearing more doubts in a night than in days
But the Heavier it poured,
the colder the heart got and I stopped believing in miracles too...

Citizens camped outside lost everything today
The endless downpour needs to stop now!
As poverty stricken families rushed towards a safe shelter,
Warmth, security, happiness was all they prayed for:
However, my shadow still refused to be moved in sync with my echo...

Contemplating a tough decision while inhaling much of the air left
I wanted to help somebody...anybody tonight
But the rain continued to fall heavier and got louder with the hour
And I felt trapped in my own abode
While far away across the mountain a faint cry of 'help' was all I heard...

The Rain brought back the light to the mountain slowly
Unable to see I became restless
The sounds echoing in my head like a waterfall at the end of a cliff
I chose to take the higher road
A road that led me to believe I was happier here at this place...
For now at least.

But a wise person once told me:
Happiness is merely contemporary and I was solely responsible for my own.
He didn't promise to make me happy
Rather he would give me his best if he had the choice.
So with a slightly sombre expression,
He slowly closed my eyes to sleep...

Echoing the cries of Nanking

They say that life is meant to be lived, not watched and that one can never tell how one's story will unfold... So today, I watched this movie called "Flower of War" and I was deeply overwhelmed by emotions that took over while watching it. It was recommended by Yeshey Lhaden and I'm glad I watched it on a cold rainy day as emotions doubled along with the coldness outside. So after i watched the movie i was motivated to do some writing and this is one of them:

"The men came from the East where the Sun rises everyday,
Carrying along Pain everywhere they went.
Murder, Rape and Killing was all they did
As they moved in uniform from door to door.

Gone away were their lives
Along with the only little innocence they carried
Tucked away in the small pockets
of their pants tainted with blood.

Their cries and plea for compassion overlooked
As stray bullets pierce the delicate skins of those running to Safety,
Little did they believe in God hereafter,
As Mothers, Fathers, Sister's and Brothers died right before their eyes.

Their humility stripped away as heartless men tore off their clothes,
Naked and unclothed they remain,
and with every touch the more they seem to suffer
they wished for nothing more but a painless death.

And at the end all they did was pray for better lives,
for those left behind and for those soon to be exploited
by War and emotions and as painful as it is,
Nothing will ever remain the same after this day..."

So as tragic as it sounds, it was definitely a moving movie that kept me melancholic throughout making me emphathetic to their experiences. Even though i will never know how they felt, as least i know of their stories now and how the people of Nanking suffered under the Japanese conquest during the war that took place between the Chinese province and the Japanese army. Some were brave enough to fight for their country, while some were heroic and sacrificed their lives on account to save a few others of their kind.

However, Today I pray that no one has to ever experience such tragedies in their lifetime or the next but rather happiness, success, love, and good health follow everyone around in a well deserved continuous path by doing good for others above thy self.

Occupied

The Hope that rises
is always destroyed by the creator...
A strong force of determination
which cannot be deferred
and yet:
The machines have taken over
Taken over:
Your life and indirectly mine as well...

Light at the end of a Tunnel

Today I'm completely broken...

Inside I'm mentally exhausted and all energy drained out... Misunderstood and rejected! Left to fend for myself, and
Myself only. The ones I thought I had faith in only end up as disappointment, and it is only my shadow and I sharing alliance in standing tall above the rest!

Like a wilting rose I slowly bend towards a direction but the morning sun refuses to hide behind the clouds even when the rain continues to pour... Beaming with much anticipation I'm lifted in spirit but it doesn't last long! The feeling of impermanence and letting go was all I could wait for as it slowly disappeared behind a huge patch of dark clouds...

Am I alone? Or is my shadow still with me? At least, I haven't lost my identity nor fell through the cracks of the ground like the rest. No wonder I was born on a brighter, early, dew drop morning, with birds chirping, and flowers slowly opening up their buds... It was a morning more beautiful than the rest of the days that were ever seen!

A Fool's Night

What's Your Role?

"It is from numberless diverse acts of courage and belief that human history is shaped. Each time a man stands up for an ideal, or acts to improve the lot of others, or strikes out against an injustice, he sends forward a tiny ripple of hope, and crossing each other from a million different centers of energy and daring those ripples build a current which can sweep down the mightiest walls of oppression and resistance..."
-Robert Kennedy

Fire on the Mountain