Sunday, 17 September 2017

This Hurt

Like smoke rising from the wet tiles
It slowly began to hit me
with arms wide open
I screamed on the top of my lungs
"It is what it is, It was what it was and It will be what it will be,
So come what may..."

I sat down in the middle of a half empty room
packed boxes and an empty cupboard
faded smell of the fragrances
tears swelled and I couldn't control

The heart sometimes deceives you
leads you on a whole different journey
we are all dealing with our very own demons
But morning will always come.

I've laid down my heart
Initially Loved you more than Love could  have ever known
I wasn't expecting to turn my heart around
Now I'm dizzy and I cant see straight
Even my heart has gone cold...

The road to redemption isn't far
The road to recovery is near
I am definitely stronger than I seem
and this hole in my heart will be...

Will be... but a memory...

Friday, 8 September 2017

Ocean of Tears

Heartache after Heartache
Sleepless nights
I am now numb...

Constantly consumed in lies
reached to the brim
forgive but don't forget!

I can be stupid!
I can sometimes be over foolish too!
I wont allow anyone to get close now...

You made me build walls where there were none
You meant everything to me
But now you're gone...

I cry less each time I get hurt
The pain is only temporary
and I continue to love you less...

You have watched me drown
In my ocean of tears
beneath the lies you placed...

You were everything I needed
But now no more...

I need to protect myself now
Love myself
Make me a priority!

I will miss you
But this hurt will be gone
and I will move on...

erase the scars with the strength
I will find to face~

Monday, 4 September 2017

Beats fast

I was just reminded a few days ago that:
"It's always darkest before the dawn"
And I really thought my dawn was breaking
Until it got even darker.

A flip-side to my pleas to the universe...

The ricochets of a broken pieces
splatter of blood everywhere
only this time...
It's my blood!

When certain things hurt
It hurts so bad,
You saw the proof in the way it hurts
BUT it was all a game!
I'm numb...

The worst in me probably brings out the worse in you
but the best in me wants to trust you again
If only I was enough for you!

I don't react the way you always expect
I am stubborn sometimes too
I saw stars in you
It knocked me down instead...

You thought I was just passing through
for this heart break and misery?
But I still know I am not the only one...

Before I throw it all away
and say all these stupid things
Don't let me let you go
Even though I know this might be the right thing to do...

Monday, 28 August 2017

Broken Doll

Men don't realize when a woman loves them wholeheartedly it's real and true...

I met a man Who was afraid to love
He was just another soul I had the chance to touch
His heart was constantly guarded
He built walls around his heart
He was definitely afraid to love...

He said he had his heart broken many times
But little did he realize that
Every time it broke apart
A bit of him was also leaving himself...

So when he had found himself after the brokenness
He decided to touch many hearts
But this time it was just touch and go
So he wouldn't feel anything...

I happened to touch the magic dust upon arrival
And it gave me pleasure which turned to hurt as days went by
There was no cure in itself
As the only remedy was to repel the magic...

I couldn't understand why he touched me
Or why he reached out to me first?
Initially he thought I'd be like the rest
Easily giving into the magic tricks
Much later into the season did he realize that I wasn't like the rest...

Was it too late by then to show his sincerity?
Feelings of doubt and trust questioned me every single day,
All in all my love was simple and  pure
The confessions of an honest love
With big plans made for two
Only to later find out:
Feelings are as easily washed away into the vast blue ocean
As it is to be washed ashore like the smallest particle of sand... 

What has my life come to anymore?
Why do I let these things bother me?
When do I say it's enough?
Who is responsible but myself for these feelings?
How can I make it disappear before I can't do it anymore?
Questions that have no answers... 

Forever unanswered... 

Live and Let Go!!!

Sunday, 27 August 2017

Now what?



How often do we feel feelings that we have no explanations for?
Thoughts running wild in my head
Sometimes I can't even get a peaceful sleep at night…

There are so many places I just want to drift away
I even thought of running away from these tiny hiccups
And the regular faces…

But I chose to be stronger and face this chaos
Stand up for what I believe in
Even if it meant I’d lose a few people…

I long to take risks and go on adventures
No regrets, only a meaningful life to live
Serve with humility and carry forth the compassion…

Tuesday, 4 July 2017

Love without Borders~

Why does this somehow feel like a melancholic ending to an unfinished story?

Everytime we exchanged glances you had my heart skip a beat... 
I was so happy in this moment knowing I was yours...
I knew you for you but there was something inside telling me that this moment wasn't going to be ours forever...

I wanted to cry, 
I cried,
All of my feelings inside twisted but somehow I was silenced with no words to share out loud
The thoughts and words all choked up...

I convinced myself that I would try to be happy
That I would try to live in the moment keeping myself busy with life 
But it seems that no matter even if I try or don't try
It hurts each and everytime abit more...

I loved genuinely from the depth of my heart and whether the love was reciprocated equally
I was always confused..

I threw in some hints of what I knew to be true and I was shown the same as well
I wanted to believe everything in front of my eyes
But was I so blinded by selfishness?

I loved too much to even let anything matter...

Thursday, 11 May 2017

Heavy Heart

Often my self control is taken over by my soft hearted-ness
My will power overshadowed by a stronger will
That leads me to take unexpected detours
This kind heart knows sympathy

I don't listen to my brain most of the time
Nor do I follow my heart
I am spontaneous
And I am still learning and I let doubt fade these decisions and cloud my judgement...

But I repent on the errs I make
And I learn to forgive myself :
Forgive myself time and again
Because at the end of the day this is what makes it okay!

I cry silently and I apologize and even ask to be erased from his life
But his compassionate heart forgives me instantly
Even though harsh words are exchanged
And he must probably be scarred for a long time now
With trust issues upon my issues...

We have our first argument due to this foolish stubborn heart
I should have just listened in the first place
My honesty got me in trouble
And all he was being was an extra caring soul
I cast a dark cloud of doubt over his instincts
Whether he liked to believe me or not...

We had promised unconditional love in the beginning
Whether I fall apart or falter in such circumstances
We were going to keep holding on because
He chose me and I chose him

Obstacles along the way
And there will be envy, jealousy, malice and hatred
But in the end "Love will conquer all..."