Gifts of The Holidays

Certain people come back into our lives
Each one bringing a special gift
A gift that touched the soft hearted heart
Drowning me with their elixir for the moment

One person brought me back the gift of time
The hours to the gentle reminder of stolen memories
Which were left abandoned and misunderstood
Distance was the enemy!

Another person brought me back the gift of compassion
The poetic words to the gentle reminder of simple life
Memories trapped in a jar of unknown content
Translucent but not free
He was the enemy

The third brought me the gift of respect
The starry full moon to the gentle reminder of simply being enough
I had to live my life following my dream
Forgetting and leaving behind the past
Youth was the enemy!

Finally, this person who came last brought me the gift of reality
Short lived moments to the gentle reminder of terrible miscommunication
Silent nights of tired mind, soul and the body
Questioning the decisions made
Technology was the enemy!

It Will Rain~

It's funny how some events spark to be
Whether a slight argument or an eternal flame
The rays touch the deepest corners of the darkest soul
Slight heartbeats in the warmth of the moment
All rekindled but in a different place and time...

A lost path with bizarre connections
No clarity of such plans in the neighbourhood
A familiar old lock turning clockwise
Unlocking untold secrets of the past
Bearer of these held nothing but only gave in to the unveiling of this new statue...

  

I saw a shooting star tonight
And it led me completely in a new direction
My inner instincts guided my soul away from the mist that illuminated the lights within

A semi serendipity many years later  

An old but not forgotten memory that I deftly unfolded

I was the same person with the same flaws

Revived and confused if I was still in real time

I looked out of my window and saw the crescent moon

I was living the moment and let time slip away

It did rain briefly this evening

and somehow it seems that it will continue to rain...

Post Autumn Glum~

Usually when I need to hear the silence
I'm left with this shrilling laughter inside
The note of sarcasm constantly on repeat
No words spoken but the heart feels everything...

Weary eyes pulling me down
Hopeless in every way I chose to see
This mask I put on shall soon come to fade
No words spoken but only voices in the background...

How many seasons can one flower bloom?
It eventually withers away but is reborn again,
Can a rose without a thorn be called a rose?
No words spoken but only uncomfortable situations...

I find the entire universe spinning tonight
Inside this tired silent head
The equilibrium and partial of life harshly questioned
With nothing much planned it all started...

A feeling of emptiness but not loneliness

Motivation at its peak for only self love

Smell of cold coffee and a rotten pear

dreams of wanderlust is all I have...

Moonlight Beams

Had a dream last night about this place
a wide paved road leading up to a hill
silhouettes of trees often mistaken for shapes
with the bright moon beams glistening...

I found myself walking outside
along the road until it led to a dead end
the cold didn't seem to bother me nor my bare hands
for I knew I wasn't alone
even if I was talking to the moon...

Few lights across the mountain brightly lit
I looked up to the sky to see Orion's belt and the Pleiades star cluster
I stared up into the sky for a long time
However, I didn't end up seeing the shooting star!

Every bright moon has a dark side
Just as my skeleton came out from the hideout
I chose one particular heart to enclose it
For I too will be the keeper of your sagas...

They say that when you mess with love
You mess with the truth
This sudden explosion to chase shadows at night
through the starry eyes of comfort
Brought immense beauty to the moon beams...

Therefore, I chose to live in the moment of this lucid dream.

12

It's funny how people cross paths
I believe it all happens for a reason
Whether we met and will meet
Everything seems to be for à reason
Reasons that even the heart does not know 
But it sure makes one feel it's right
Atleast for the moment

As 12 years is no joke for estranged relationships
Not much of a writer Im guessing
But surely could listen on for hours
An old Nokia phone was all it took
And a cassette of recorded romantic songs
Letters were exchanged
Memories don't really serve me best
Walking amongst the pines with endless nervous conversations..

You accept things that you cannot change
For years have passed and life has moved on
Bringing forth something we must learn
That no matter the missing years we still remained the same
Like a comet pulled from its orbit
People come into our lives
But who can say if I've changed for the better?

And we may never met again
Would another 12 years would be a lifetime?
Whatever way our stories end
I know there is more love than hatred
More compassion and kindness
More helping hand than ignorance
And enough friendship to last a lifetime...

Bucket List *Istanbul, Turkey*

"Oh, the places I could travel and the countries I could see..."

My love to arrive at new destinations keeps itching at me more day by day. The fact that I sit in a small cubicle with no windows lets my mind wander to these destinations only possible for now with a computer or a phone that is connected to the internet. 

Today my wanderlust grew more towards an old Byzantium or Constantinople country known to modern day as Turkey. Known to be a transition of Asia into Europe and vice versa, Turkey holds very strong cultural relevance rich in history which makes the country one of my top places to visit.

For nearly a thousand years, this country stood as the last remaining outpost for the Roman Empire before it was finally conquered by Ottomon Sultan Mehmed II in 1453 expanding the Ottomon empire even further thus giving birth to the Republic of Turkey in 1923. This is sometimes also marked as the end of the middle ages. Today Turkey has its population almost 14 million and increases at an estimate of 400,000 immigrants per year.

Turkey is divided into seven geographical regions separated according to their climate, location, agricultural diversities, human habitat, topography, etc. Located on the Mediterranean, separated by the Turkish Straits, with the Black Sea to the north and the Aegean Sea in the west and the Mediterranean Sea to the south west.

Istanbul is one of the largest cities in Turkey, also ranked as the world's most populous cities and the world's 5th largest city proper. A former capital of Ottomon and Byzantine Empires situated between the two continents of Asia and Europe. Its commercial and Historical center lies on the European side and about a third of its population lives on the Asian side.

The name Istanbul colloquially is commonly held to derive from the Medieval Greek phrase meaning "to the city" and this is also how Constantinople was referred to by the local Greeks.

Some beautifully captured images of Istanbul from Google images :

and then the market images of colorful porcelains, spices, dried fruits and the local cuisine especially the donair and hummus which is my favourite:

Monday Blues~

Stuffy nose, head thumping
Shortness of breath, eyes closing
Temperatures increasing, tongue burning
Concentration losing, eyes watering
Feeling weak, bones aching
Double eye lids, sensitive eyes
Runny nose, no tissue

Small problems, big issues when you have a cold

Eyes never closing *_*

1 shot, 2 shot, 3 drink right
A feeling of complete Happiness and giggles
The warmth in such good hugs
Took me from a short walk to this enchanting neverland

Charmingly dressed in black
Swayed by the right kinda of mood
I stood out from the maddening crowd
A friday night of an unexpected encounter

With high speed road chase and comfort
Time wasn't of the essence even though the clock ticked slow
Without any second thoughts
It was definitely in the NOW

Blurry windows and heated spaces
The chill breeze was most deserving
Full bladder and headlights beaming
It was the most honest saturday morning

Intentions of clarity and perfect manners
Warmth of the heart was overwhelming
Was this the happiness I was yearning for?
Or merely a dream I was chasing out to?

If only everything that happened had a reason to it
A reason that would answer to this action
The circumstances I am braved to face
Would it only deconstruct what is being built

The state of consciousness was not the best ability to rationalize
The net I swung upon myself has no casualities but myself alone
A fight alone I was battling with myself
To kiss and go beyond this consciousness

That very night I dreamt again
Of a road to a cottage through the woods
Faces I recognized and shamelessly accepted
But would I see this face again?

Weekend Cleanse

Waking up and feeling a need of change in my thoughts and actions I headed up to the mountain~ The mountain of solace and solitude. The mountain where I went to seek refuge of positivity! The mountain where I practiced exhaling out all that was troubling me and inhaled all the positive energy. I trained my mind to think nothing more but to see the best in everything including people! I constantly reminded myself that negative people and negative attitude will not affect me anymore so I chose to step away but sometimes I find myself too weak in the heart. I guess this is what being human means.

I try to infuse my life with meaningful actions that make me happy and I believe that if I am happy, I can make others around me happy too. Usually I don't wait for things to happen but rather I make things happen as this is my now, my future so I make my own hope and don't wait for it to come to me. Dont get me wrong But I do believe in fate and what destiny may hold for me. 

So I walked along this path, a path led by butterflies in hope for this small change within. I spent some time observing the impermanence of life as the wind blew through the prayer flags. I stood at the edge of the cliff watching the stillness that stood below me.

Every single person that I meet, is somehow meant to be met for a reason (who knows what the reason may be) but I surely believe that Everything Happens for a Reason...~ 

Ollie M

You can never force yourself to love somebody you don't love

You can never try to fake happiness acting like you deserve

You can never pretend to act like it mattered when things get better

You can never ask for forgiveness for the things you deliberately did to hurt

You can never put the blame because you never cared in the first place

You can never be honest as all you did was take breath of lies after lies

You can never think for a moment that it wasn't real because this is not a dream

You can never be grounded because you're always up shaking your ego higher

You will never be who you want to be since you're aiming for the Oscars

You will never be forgotten like the tremors that hit the nation frequently

But someday , not today you'll make everyone's lives easier by not being in it...

AMEN!!!♧☆

Labels

The wind outside is quieter than the racket inside
Do I look like a target to shoot on?
I come with an open heart
Leaving all feelings of resentment aside
And yet I find myself back to square one

A mother's love is never questioned
But only accepted as it is...
I've seen many and felt the warmth of a few too
But this one is really tough to compete

Money cannot buy happiness nor love
People are fools if they believe it to do so
Everything seems to be questioned
Ulterior motives and make beliefs
Superiority complex I cannot digest

Stubborn can and will I be
Just because I don't believe in your bullshit
Doesn't make me less of a human being
But only makes me rise higher!!!

Elite Reasoning

Withdrawing myself from all feelings
I find myself in complete solitude
Like a Venus fly trap I shut quickly!

But I do not expect your sympathy

Been alot of nights I look up to the stars
And wonder if u ever look up too
To those bright sparkles lighting the sky

Why must we pull back from our emotions?

This comfort I feel is empty without you
I do believe in certain things
But you have your opinions too...

4:08 am

I dreamt of you
I dreamt of us
It was so real so I reached out
4:08 on repeat
Unable to sleep

Just tell me that you want me
I'll return back into your arms
I've so many things planned for us
My whole world is better because of you
That's why I know you're the one

I was prepared for what was yet to come
Together I knew we could face anything
So I just had to find myself first
But I don't understand this cold silence
Why you chose that over me?

Free me from this rainfall of spring
For I will bloom like the gardens of eternity
This moment will come to take decisions
And Time will not wait for me nor you
So hurry up and break this cold cold ice!!

TOL

This silence was deafening
A hurt I should be use to
To be honest:
I dont think I could ever get use to it

Not even a cold shower could recall
It was me against the ages
Translucent white and a bar stamp
I came to know of this path

A path of low granny Smiths
Even if a black dog startled me
I wasn't going to be afraid
Because I didn't quite know!

GoodBye

So this is your Goodbye now? :'(

Rush of emotions
Everything I ever felt crumbled down
Loss of words unable to breathe
I somehow believed it was all real...

Is this how you say Goodbye?
With a pitcher of beer smiling at me!

"Forget me"..., he said
Words easy to whisper, Hard to digest
Where do I tuck away the memories?
This white envelope too thick to burn...

Hundreds of pictures of the same face
Broken promises and -forget me nots-
I thought i would be first at giving up
But Instead I held on...

Where does one bury their secrets?
From the plains to the hills
I want to keep exploring!

Dreams and Plans in the near future
But Who was I kidding?
For the thought of me will always exist
And you will never be alone...

I hate the word Goodbye
For it always ends the burning flame of hope
That spark ignited is lost
And faith in mankind will never be restored...

Goodbye!

I Found You

In this mist of chaos, I found you
When hope seemed lost, I found you
When autumn turned into winter, I found you
When sports lost its glory, I found you
When I saw you, I found you.

Through the butterflies I felt I found you
The feeling of a new found happiness
When all hell around me broke lose
Through the lens I accidently stumbled
The found you on the other side

This naive soul touched my soul
Brought a better light to this darkness
Moments from a smile that melted me
From the innocence of truth I found in you
Brought this reality of to shame

The eyes of freedom need not speak more
For my heart understood the matter alone
And that day I knew I found something in you
That cold December where my heart grew
Watching the bright city lights I found you!

Who You Love?

Oh these tears of love flow gently down the troubled eyes
Is this love because I am crying?

You love who you love
The heart wants what it wants
In this day and age there is no control
When you're mind has been made up
It calls for a beautiful disaster

Stronger than the sweetest chocolate
This taste of the soft lips
An urge now only in the dreams
It leaves me confused
But I enjoy this dream

I can't run away anymore
Even though this lust tempts me further
A feeling only I seem to know
It's all about who you love
And John Mayer was right about that!

I feel hard this time
deeper than deep, blinded but not hidden
Our souls gently touched
And It was left behind
                              

Moon Over the Sky

I often wonder of all the people that I come across in my life,
How did 'we' ever come to be?

These skies only bleed out unseen memories enclosed within jars...

I sleep and wake to the sound of you breathing
As I lay down in your arms
This is all in the now

For dreams are meant to be dreamt
As destiny awaits elsewhere

Amazed and hypocritical at the two shades of face
This comfort suppresses all known feelings

I will be judged but I wont breakaway
Nor will I carry any regrets

The man jumped out of the auto
Disappeared for several minutes
Came back with not one but two coconuts

These little things bring me happiness...

Musical Melodies until 5am

Just another night staring at this moon
I think I saw a shooting star too
Are you on the other side thinking of me?
I can see our stars burn up the night sky

Wonder if you see the same sky I see
Even if we belonged under the same horizon
Sitting on complete opposite sides
I want to feel your beating heart again

Thinking out loud by Ed sheeran on repeat
I open my eyes to see the way our stars meet
Like diamonds carefully placed on black
All of its lights lead into the night

And there we were with two hearts beating as one
We believed in the moment
The skies bled out memories
So I placed my head against your chest
And tried to live the moment and slept

Final Call

Guided by a beating heart
Unknown of where this road may take me
I'm not growing any younger
Didn't know I was lost
Until I found myself at the crossroads

This wanderlust takes me further south
Another day of wasted wishful thinking
Places to conquer, this darkness to beat
Where else can I go?
All these roads lead me to nowhere

Love consumes me
It drains me of energy and thoughts
It aches my bones and digs through the veins
It rips me apart of all I've held together
It finally numbs my senses as cold as ice

Vivid dreams continue to haunt
Confuses and turns over this reality
Familiar faces stopping this beating heart
Sweaty palms and heavy breathing
For once I knew I was dreaming alright

Grateful Start

In this stillness my silence speaks
The beats of some old music
Alone, singing to myself
The echo in my voice so deep
This was just the beginning.

Your stare so sharp
It frightens my confidence
As though it were trivial
and shakes my vocal chords
into oblivion.

This quest in search for reason
Reasons that even this heart doesn't know
For I am the sole maker
of this road to destiny
And I'm blessed for everyone I meet.

I have yet to achieve
These are the days
living with no regrets or worries
Always looking up on the brightside
grasping life and what it has to offer.

Resolutions

In this directed path we are born

to take on a mighty flight

Destined for greatness to make a difference

Fight to be stronger.

The willpower vested within

emerges more than ever

As this New Year approaches

Changes will you see

And better will I be.

A journey of plentiful destinations

This urge to travel

For I have no money now

But when I do, 

I will give alms first.

Small changes will I make

Starting with my own life first

Old habits have I none to break

But to remain kind and detached

And to take this path on for long.