Borderline~

People and feelings are both weird
One minute you are on cloud nine
And the next you're falling straight from it
A steep drop...

How does one even give it a try again?
The ink from the pen written on the blank sheets
Emptiness in words that stay
Felt only through the scar of the etching of the rewritten pages

In the beginning I thought I was made for loving you
But my soul just couldn't be re-touched
I searched every corner
And I ended up alone...

My heart honors my intuition
But my soul is not here
I can't change into someone Who I am not
Nor can I pretend to be another person...

Friends lost, new gained
Blind love reckless burning
Regrets slowly fading
But how can one actually forget?

Emptiness

The feelings associated with departure
Always leaves a strong impression on me
That emptiness and the hallow feeling
Almost associated with loneliness...

Watching images drift away smaller and smaller
fading into the distance
my heart falls heavy each time you or I leave
yearning until our souls meet next...

The feeling you know so damn sure
And yet the heart is in complete denial

Why does this hurt ten times bad?
Why does this seem too hard to deal?
Why does this heart keep hoping?
Why...?

If this love is pain
Well lets hurt tonight...

I'm suppose to be able to sleep With or without you
But this sleep is far drifted into the horizon
And I'm here wide awake
With all these thoughts running around without any goal...

Scar tissues unable to dispose
Skeletons out of the closet
Forgive and never forget

Trust lost
Trust gained
Decisions and enough with issues already!
 

Waiting For Romeo~

One of the most famous lines that struck me today was from Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet, Act II, Scene II where Juliet is bidding goodnight to Romeo. She says:

"Good night, good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow,
That I shall say good night till it be morrow..."

 In the real world, Juliet found herself saying goodbye and not knowing when she will see her Romeo again. Even though his depart was a sweet sorrow, she was clueless when her morrow might be. She was afraid her morrow will never come again. Oh how she desperately wanted to see Romeo again but she knew it was not possible for a long time. Romeo was gone afar and this time she couldn't really stop him from leaving.

Juliet knew deep down in her heart why he left and she let him go slowly knowing he would return to her one fine day. She felt heavy hearted and something inside her was missing when he left. He was always what kept her heart beating anxiously and waiting for news of his arrival is all what she was anticipating for.

This time she knew it was true. She didn't mind this time seriously! Somehow she wanted to be this person always and maybe this was who she was all this while. She was stronger and made more difference around her and he was always supportive of her efforts. He had a big heart as well and somehow that's what made him beautiful too. Maybe that's why she and him were both beautiful souls waiting like the stars to collide.

Days soon turned into weeks, she was searching for all the memories she could hold on to. Romeo was far away, unreachable by anyone besides his own kind. Juliet was dealing with her own issues in the mean time. She has a lot of house keeping to do and that stressed her every single day waiting, hoping and praying! She wanted to start right this time on a clean slate and she knew it was the best way to start her new life but she had to wait...

If only she had the support from her parents.. She was sorry she fell in love when she wasn't suppose to. She was someone better when she was with him and she knew he was better with her as well. Romeo and Juliet confessed of their love and both of them knew that in the beginning it was merely passion that soon turned into love but later on he realized that he needed her in his life just as much as she would be the one who could bring him happiness.

Everything she needed was in front of her and she knew that she was going to be alright if she believed in her self a bit more but she couldn't ignore the signs that she was getting. The feeling all seemed a different purpose that she didn't want to admit.

Juliet waited a few more days in pain but alas she was relieved to know that she was alright. The pain was suddenly gone and then she began to promise herself that she would never ever go back towards the path she once took that went off-road as the lights were unclear and there was another paved road at the junction. Juliet found herself through this experience and saved herself from herself.

She continues to wait...
Wait for herself
Wait for her Romeo... 

This Hurt

Like smoke rising from the wet tiles
It slowly began to hit me
with arms wide open
I screamed on the top of my lungs
"It is what it is, It was what it was and It will be what it will be,
So come what may..."

I sat down in the middle of a half empty room
packed boxes and an empty cupboard
faded smell of the fragrances
tears swelled and I couldn't control

The heart sometimes deceives you
leads you on a whole different journey
we are all dealing with our very own demons
But morning will always come.

I've laid down my heart
Initially Loved you more than Love could  have ever known
I wasn't expecting to turn my heart around
Now I'm dizzy and I cant see straight
Even my heart has gone cold...

The road to redemption isn't far
The road to recovery is near
I am definitely stronger than I seem
and this hole in my heart will be...

Will be... but a memory...

Ocean of Tears

Heartache after Heartache
Sleepless nights
I am now numb...

Constantly consumed in lies
reached to the brim
forgive but don't forget!

I can be stupid!
I can sometimes be over foolish too!
I wont allow anyone to get close now...

You made me build walls where there were none
You meant everything to me
But now you're gone...

I cry less each time I get hurt
The pain is only temporary
and I continue to love you less...

You have watched me drown
In my ocean of tears
beneath the lies you placed...

You were everything I needed
But now no more...

I need to protect myself now
Love myself
Make me a priority!

I will miss you
But this hurt will be gone
and I will move on...

erase the scars with the strength
I will find to face~

Beats fast

I was just reminded a few days ago that:
"It's always darkest before the dawn"
And I really thought my dawn was breaking
Until it got even darker.

A flip-side to my pleas to the universe...

The ricochets of a broken pieces
splatter of blood everywhere
only this time...
It's my blood!

When certain things hurt
It hurts so bad,
You saw the proof in the way it hurts
BUT it was all a game!
I'm numb...

The worst in me probably brings out the worse in you
but the best in me wants to trust you again
If only I was enough for you!

I don't react the way you always expect
I am stubborn sometimes too
I saw stars in you
It knocked me down instead...

You thought I was just passing through
for this heart break and misery?
But I still know I am not the only one...

Before I throw it all away
and say all these stupid things
Don't let me let you go
Even though I know this might be the right thing to do...

Broken Doll

Men don't realize when a woman loves them wholeheartedly it's real and true...

I met a man Who was afraid to love
He was just another soul I had the chance to touch
His heart was constantly guarded
He built walls around his heart
He was definitely afraid to love...

He said he had his heart broken many times
But little did he realize that
Every time it broke apart
A bit of him was also leaving himself...

So when he had found himself after the brokenness
He decided to touch many hearts
But this time it was just touch and go
So he wouldn't feel anything...

I happened to touch the magic dust upon arrival
And it gave me pleasure which turned to hurt as days went by
There was no cure in itself
As the only remedy was to repel the magic...

I couldn't understand why he touched me
Or why he reached out to me first?
Initially he thought I'd be like the rest
Easily giving into the magic tricks
Much later into the season did he realize that I wasn't like the rest...

Was it too late by then to show his sincerity?
Feelings of doubt and trust questioned me every single day,
All in all my love was simple and  pure

The confessions of an honest love
With big plans made for two
Only to later find out:
Feelings are as easily washed away into the vast blue ocean
As it is to be washed ashore like the smallest particle of sand... 

What has my life come to anymore?
Why do I let these things bother me?
When do I say it's enough?
Who is responsible but myself for these feelings?
How can I make it disappear before I can't do it anymore?

Questions that have no answers... 

Forever unanswered... 

Live and Let Go!!!

Now what?

How often do we feel feelings that we have no explanations for?
Thoughts running wild in my head
Sometimes I can't even get a peaceful sleep at night…

There are so many places I just want to drift away
I even thought of running away from these tiny hiccups
And the regular faces…

But I chose to be stronger and face this chaos
Stand up for what I believe in
Even if it meant I’d lose a few people…

I long to take risks and go on adventures
No regrets, only a meaningful life to live
Serve with humility and carry forth the compassion…

Love without Borders~

Why does this somehow feel like a melancholic ending to an unfinished story?

Everytime we exchanged glances you had my heart skip a beat... 

I was so happy in this moment knowing I was yours...

I knew you for you but there was something inside telling me that this moment wasn't going to be ours forever...

I wanted to cry, 

I cried,

All of my feelings inside twisted but somehow I was silenced with no words to share out loud

The thoughts and words all choked up...

I convinced myself that I would try to be happy

That I would try to live in the moment keeping myself busy with life 

But it seems that no matter even if I try or don't try

It hurts each and everytime abit more...

I loved genuinely from the depth of my heart and whether the love was reciprocated equally

I was always confused..

I threw in some hints of what I knew to be true and I was shown the same as well

I wanted to believe everything in front of my eyes

But was I so blinded by selfishness?

I loved too much to even let anything matter...

Heavy Heart

Often my self control is taken over by my soft hearted-ness
My will power overshadowed by a stronger will
That leads me to take unexpected detours
This kind heart knows sympathy

I don't listen to my brain most of the time
Nor do I follow my heart
I am spontaneous
And I am still learning and I let doubt fade these decisions and cloud my judgement...

But I repent on the errs I make
And I learn to forgive myself :
Forgive myself time and again
Because at the end of the day this is what makes it okay!

I cry silently and I apologize and even ask to be erased from his life
But his compassionate heart forgives me instantly
Even though harsh words are exchanged
And he must probably be scarred for a long time now
With trust issues upon my issues...

We have our first argument due to this foolish stubborn heart
I should have just listened in the first place
My honesty got me in trouble
And all he was being was an extra caring soul
I cast a dark cloud of doubt over his instincts
Whether he liked to believe me or not...

We had promised unconditional love in the beginning
Whether I fall apart or falter in such circumstances
We were going to keep holding on because
He chose me and I chose him

Obstacles along the way
And there will be envy, jealousy, malice and hatred
But in the end "Love will conquer all..."

Every Time a bit more

Dragon flies fluttering around in chaos
As the rain drops started to pour heavy
The tiny white flowers fell like a blanket of snow
Covering the cemented pavement
Illuminating this path even clearer...

I know this isn't my Happy Ending
I know this isn't my Cinderella Story
I know this isn't my Safe Haven either
But I know that this can be my Happiness
A feeling newly created
At least while living in the now I know!

Can people change?
Whether it's for themselves or for the people they love?
We stopped being ourselves more than a year ago
There was no signs of growth

Somethings you just can't fake
like the feelings we get
While we watch our days turn into weeks and months
and soon it's been a year already
Then even goodbyes doesn't seem so sad after all...

There will be a place for everything
and that includes finding the right kinda feelings too
Not everyone will be there to support
but nothing seems surprise me anymore...

The Hero

Its been a while for me without a muse to write

On a high scraper reflecting all of my fears and anxieties

I took a leap of faith and jumped on a new platform

I wore my heart on my sleeve and there you recognized me

As confident as confidence came

A star flew right across the sky and I couldn't ignore the signs

A hero in a regular suit with such dark prominent mesmerizing eyes

Came with a purpose to touch my heart and light up the dark skies

Days go by so quickly and things happen too fast 

We don't have the strength within us to hold on 

These moments even if we could be the only ones to know

we cannot choose the path for us right now

You taught me:

Life is how we make of the moments presented to us

We either treasure them or let it pass before our eyes

Most of us spend our whole lives searching and reasoning

instead of living in the now and making memories

We may never know what tomorrow brings

Whether we will live another day to tell tales of yesterday

So we live through today choosing the right kind of people

Trusting the choices we make without being afraid 

The Hero came at a certain time and lives within me now

Pulled me away from the chaos of the heart and calmed the rough ocean shores...

No Good in Goodbye

The smell of you lingers on even after you've gone
I close my eyes tight and try to recall the last moments together
How my heart was happy and calm for a change!

Nothing lasts forever
Not even you
Not even me

But somehow I will remember you...

The warm affections of those kisses
The extra squeeze in those hugs
My kind of safe Haven it was

An interference so pure in intentions
the color and shape of the eyes
There was only happiness reflecting
Sometimes you have to see what I see in you...

Six moments it took for all the anticipation
It simply wasn't enough
A risk higher than the number
Into the night a masquerade we danced upon...

Thief of the night

We will all leave this world in ashes one day or another
So before we go
Let us make memories to carry forward

Who knows what tomorrow may bring
Whether we will continue to be here or not
So embrace all that we have and LIVE

Life is a series of events
With our emotions always on various frequencies
The feeling of high unlike any other feeling
And low hits hard like a point of no return
So choose to seek BALANCE

I've seen bright sunshine here and now
But haven't witnessed the darkest of days yet
I will not anticipate any coming
For there is no glory in knowing
But accepting what is yet to be..

Unbreakable Bonds~

I still get amazed at how things unfold
The people we are suppose to meet
and how they come at certain points in our life
Even the people we distantly grow apart
The timing of their departure
comes at another terminal marked "Arrival"

Somehow it all makes sense now...

People usually come into my life
To bring and add a positive change
Where I learn from them and they help me grow
If I let them
And equally I help them somehow in return

An unbreakable bond is created
So no matter when or where I might be
I know that these people will always remain in my life...

Encounter with an old cow herder~

Places take you to people and each person you meet has their own unique story... 

This is my journey, my story:

I stumbled upon this old man who goes through the RBA Football ground everyday with his red jacket and his cows. I noticed how every afternoon around 2:00 pm he goes from his house towards the forested area and returns around 4:00 pm. So one day I stopped him and asked him a few questions. He told me he and his wife look after cows for this man and they get to sell the milk and cheese from it to earn their livelihood. When asked if he had any children he told me he has one daughter who did a diploma course at the local Engineering College and is currently unemployed. He told me he had 2 sons from his previous marriage but both passed away. He spoke to me in Sharchop and in broken Dzongkha to which i gleefully asked more questions using the few sharchop phrases i knew and took pictures with him. After a short conversation we bid farewell in hopes to meet again the next day but I had forgotten to ask him his name....Perhaps tomorrow I will ask his name!

RBA, Dewathang, January 2017

New Year, Old Thoughts~

It's crazy how people come and people go

Like a lightning flash seen only briefly

You notice it but it's not there

Like false promises and plans made for two

Accelerated speed of happy days

Then no good in our Goodbyes...

Nothing can turn back time

Trust me I've tried everything

I'll only remember those salty tears I cried

And I still don't understand why

But I guess people never change

They just put on a facade to tease you.

My mama was always right when she said:

"Leopards never change their spots"

I thought we were 'different'

I thought we were 'It'

I never thought you would slip away

time and again...

I was afraid to let go

But I needed this change

since I was causing you more grief and pain

I didn't want things to turn out this way

But you needed a happy ending most of all

You shut down your emotions

and trampled upon the same path you use to walk upon...

Thus I had no choice but to wipe my own eyes!