Beats fast

I was just reminded a few days ago that:
"It's always darkest before the dawn"
And I really thought my dawn was breaking
Until it got even darker.

A flip-side to my pleas to the universe...

The ricochets of a broken pieces
splatter of blood everywhere
only this time...
It's my blood!

When certain things hurt
It hurts so bad,
You saw the proof in the way it hurts
BUT it was all a game!
I'm numb...

The worst in me probably brings out the worse in you
but the best in me wants to trust you again
If only I was enough for you!

I don't react the way you always expect
I am stubborn sometimes too
I saw stars in you
It knocked me down instead...

You thought I was just passing through
for this heart break and misery?
But I still know I am not the only one...

Before I throw it all away
and say all these stupid things
Don't let me let you go
Even though I know this might be the right thing to do...

Broken Doll

Men don't realize when a woman loves them wholeheartedly it's real and true...

I met a man Who was afraid to love
He was just another soul I had the chance to touch
His heart was constantly guarded
He built walls around his heart
He was definitely afraid to love...

He said he had his heart broken many times
But little did he realize that
Every time it broke apart
A bit of him was also leaving himself...

So when he had found himself after the brokenness
He decided to touch many hearts
But this time it was just touch and go
So he wouldn't feel anything...

I happened to touch the magic dust upon arrival
And it gave me pleasure which turned to hurt as days went by
There was no cure in itself
As the only remedy was to repel the magic...

I couldn't understand why he touched me
Or why he reached out to me first?
Initially he thought I'd be like the rest
Easily giving into the magic tricks
Much later into the season did he realize that I wasn't like the rest...

Was it too late by then to show his sincerity?
Feelings of doubt and trust questioned me every single day,
All in all my love was simple and  pure

The confessions of an honest love
With big plans made for two
Only to later find out:
Feelings are as easily washed away into the vast blue ocean
As it is to be washed ashore like the smallest particle of sand... 

What has my life come to anymore?
Why do I let these things bother me?
When do I say it's enough?
Who is responsible but myself for these feelings?
How can I make it disappear before I can't do it anymore?

Questions that have no answers... 

Forever unanswered... 

Live and Let Go!!!

Now what?

How often do we feel feelings that we have no explanations for?
Thoughts running wild in my head
Sometimes I can't even get a peaceful sleep at night…

There are so many places I just want to drift away
I even thought of running away from these tiny hiccups
And the regular faces…

But I chose to be stronger and face this chaos
Stand up for what I believe in
Even if it meant I’d lose a few people…

I long to take risks and go on adventures
No regrets, only a meaningful life to live
Serve with humility and carry forth the compassion…

Love without Borders~

Why does this somehow feel like a melancholic ending to an unfinished story?

Everytime we exchanged glances you had my heart skip a beat... 

I was so happy in this moment knowing I was yours...

I knew you for you but there was something inside telling me that this moment wasn't going to be ours forever...

I wanted to cry, 

I cried,

All of my feelings inside twisted but somehow I was silenced with no words to share out loud

The thoughts and words all choked up...

I convinced myself that I would try to be happy

That I would try to live in the moment keeping myself busy with life 

But it seems that no matter even if I try or don't try

It hurts each and everytime abit more...

I loved genuinely from the depth of my heart and whether the love was reciprocated equally

I was always confused..

I threw in some hints of what I knew to be true and I was shown the same as well

I wanted to believe everything in front of my eyes

But was I so blinded by selfishness?

I loved too much to even let anything matter...

Heavy Heart

Often my self control is taken over by my soft hearted-ness
My will power overshadowed by a stronger will
That leads me to take unexpected detours
This kind heart knows sympathy

I don't listen to my brain most of the time
Nor do I follow my heart
I am spontaneous
And I am still learning and I let doubt fade these decisions and cloud my judgement...

But I repent on the errs I make
And I learn to forgive myself :
Forgive myself time and again
Because at the end of the day this is what makes it okay!

I cry silently and I apologize and even ask to be erased from his life
But his compassionate heart forgives me instantly
Even though harsh words are exchanged
And he must probably be scarred for a long time now
With trust issues upon my issues...

We have our first argument due to this foolish stubborn heart
I should have just listened in the first place
My honesty got me in trouble
And all he was being was an extra caring soul
I cast a dark cloud of doubt over his instincts
Whether he liked to believe me or not...

We had promised unconditional love in the beginning
Whether I fall apart or falter in such circumstances
We were going to keep holding on because
He chose me and I chose him

Obstacles along the way
And there will be envy, jealousy, malice and hatred
But in the end "Love will conquer all..."

Every Time a bit more

Dragon flies fluttering around in chaos
As the rain drops started to pour heavy
The tiny white flowers fell like a blanket of snow
Covering the cemented pavement
Illuminating this path even clearer...

I know this isn't my Happy Ending
I know this isn't my Cinderella Story
I know this isn't my Safe Haven either
But I know that this can be my Happiness
A feeling newly created
At least while living in the now I know!

Can people change?
Whether it's for themselves or for the people they love?
We stopped being ourselves more than a year ago
There was no signs of growth

Somethings you just can't fake
like the feelings we get
While we watch our days turn into weeks and months
and soon it's been a year already
Then even goodbyes doesn't seem so sad after all...

There will be a place for everything
and that includes finding the right kinda feelings too
Not everyone will be there to support
but nothing seems surprise me anymore...

The Hero

Its been a while for me without a muse to write

On a high scraper reflecting all of my fears and anxieties

I took a leap of faith and jumped on a new platform

I wore my heart on my sleeve and there you recognized me

As confident as confidence came

A star flew right across the sky and I couldn't ignore the signs

A hero in a regular suit with such dark prominent mesmerizing eyes

Came with a purpose to touch my heart and light up the dark skies

Days go by so quickly and things happen too fast 

We don't have the strength within us to hold on 

These moments even if we could be the only ones to know

we cannot choose the path for us right now

You taught me:

Life is how we make of the moments presented to us

We either treasure them or let it pass before our eyes

Most of us spend our whole lives searching and reasoning

instead of living in the now and making memories

We may never know what tomorrow brings

Whether we will live another day to tell tales of yesterday

So we live through today choosing the right kind of people

Trusting the choices we make without being afraid 

The Hero came at a certain time and lives within me now

Pulled me away from the chaos of the heart and calmed the rough ocean shores...