Monday, 21 November 2011

Deep thoughts at 2 am

Emotions run deep, clearly at the second hour of the first day when darkness falls over the city blinding the source from the light. And here, i tend to find myself in perfect solitude reasoning for my very existence and how it taught me to love...

Until i was done with high school, I've studied at two schools that were both based on the christian faith and I've learnt that the bible (1 Corinthians 13:4) teaches that: "Love is patient, love is kind, it does not boast, it is not proud" but I actually wonder if the author himself actually did fall in love to actually write this or was it the teachings of his preacher?
Of course, love is patient to those who are in long distance and have to wait months before seeing each other, and it has to be kind because without kindness there is no relationship and bonds developed at times. It does not boast but some people do to make others feel horrible for being single and that goes along with having pride too. So i don't really see how i agreed on this before and its hard for something like this to exist to think about it and i am sure many Christians out there believe that as well but who am i to judge right? All i can say is that 'Jealousy' and 'Pride' are very often hard emotions that tend to haunt us no matter how much we may try to eradicate it...Love is defined differently to every one of us and it is not how we follow step by step that is written in some book but rather how we as unique individuals understand this concept that allows us to love another with no clear boundaries or steps.

Often love can be ironic as we tend to ignore those who adore us, adore the ones that ignore us, love the ones who hurt us and hurt the ones that love us. I cannot say that i know what love really is as i am only 23 and had just a valid relationship but from my prior experience of being with someone for 3 years has definitely taught me how not to love someone and trust them entirely. Being in love is a completely different feeling that is indescribable for anyone but yourself to understand. The experiences may be similar or coincidental but i think no love is the same!

The love i was most familiar with was the love i got from my family and friends. It wasn't until i was done with my high school that i actually decided to experiment with love and see how it feels to love somebody. To cut a long story short i gave it a try and it lasted for 3 years with ups and downs like a relationship is normally suppose to be but i never knew it was possible to fall out of love until it happened to me in the third year of the relationship...  funny how it all happened but i think it was all because he was more in love with me than i was ever with him. We developed a bond and shared proximity and i cared and loved him but sooner or later "shit hit the fan" and just like a volcano, the contents built up to provide enough force to emit out all that was building in and finally caused an eruption that caused damage but not extensively...

Then as unexpected as it all happened, when i wasn't looking at all, love surprised me and came out of no where. It found me on a random night/early morning on September 4th...
(to be contd...)

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