Waiting

Why am I waiting for moments like these?

The pouring rain and the sound of the late-night taxis backing up in my parking. 

Loud music booming from their jukebox,

And me here like a foolish fool.

Rushing towards the window pulling the curtains 

Each time, waiting on you!

How bizarre…

There are a few people who appreciate you, 

And enjoy your time and take the time to make time for you,

There are a few people who use you,

Distress the heart from the mind, 

and take their time to use you for the moment,

There are a few people who try to love you,

Genuine or not, they plan to stick by you.

until it’s time for you or them to make one last mistake,

And there are a few people who want to know you, 

but they simply cannot even try due to reasons.

So, they choose to love you in silence from afar…

I’ve met so many people with so many intentions…

Sometimes my brain and my heart can’t decide.

All the plans we made for two.

And yet here I am wondering...

Which one of you will actually show up!

Who are you?

Why do I keep seeing you in my dreams?
Perhaps that's the safest place for us to meet.

Why do you keep appearing in my dreams?
where you're constantly looking for me,
chasing for that comfort
a love that never was...

Gawa Jinme, a song even in my dreams that stands on repeat.

What is it that I miss about you so much?
Is it all the searching we did for each other?
The painful silence and the unknown,

But I still continue dreaming about you.

Why do I keep seeing you in my dreams?
Why do my memories seem jumbled?
Like pieces of a puzzle from one you, another you, and a new you?

legend has it that if you appear in my dreams,
Is it because you're thinking of me too?

I close my eyes to continue my dream but then you're gone by then
I try to relive it, but the essence of you in it slowly disappears the harder I try,

And I wait for another day to end.
Another night to follow,
So I can try to meet you there again...

 

Once Bitten Twice Shy

I've had people stab me in the back
I've had people take advantage of my kindness
I've had people slap me in the face
I've had people call me all sorts of derogatory names
I've had people use me only to get what they want
I've had people ruin my reputation to clear theirs...

Never had someone head over heels for me
Never had someone confess their love for me
Never had someone call me their one true Love
Never had someone wanting to wait on me forever
Never had someone write me a suicide note
Never had someone wanting to die for me...

The Kindness in the Heart reflected in the eyes
They say that the eyes speak of the truest feelings
And I saw the Kindness in those eyes!

What is this?

How can I live knowing that I’ve ruined a life?
Life is not a compensation,
Neither a game to gamble upon it
Life is meant to be lived only once,
Precious as it is pursuing dreams and goals…

I don’t know how I can ever forgive and forget
knowing that  someone’s life is messed up because of me.
They say time heals everything,
 But really does it?

After two failed marriages and a baby
What did I learn?

Self-Respect?
Self-Worth?
Self-Love?
Self-Understanding?

At this point of my life,
I’ve come to care less of who thinks what of me
And focus more on being a better version of myself
To correct the way forward
To learn to forgive to live and let go…

My Blue Heart💙

So sudden the waves come riding
Leaving behind a speck every single tide
If I collected all the specks it left behind
would it be enough to hold and feel everything I want to feel...?

The teachings of my soul
Little rusty but still intact
It hovers at the call of my name
It wants to seek at every void that cannot be filled...

This strange pull of love
Drawing in strategically silent
That low vibration of fear
High intensity of passion I seek...

My heart is my place of worship
I intend to seek refuge here
Knowing my endless faults and accepting the consequences
I took this silent leap of faith again...

With no hope we meet in our dreams
Where reality is blurred by what seems fiction
The blue sunshine outweighs the grey clouds
And it all started because she smiled... 

May we Be

Why cant we individuals be HAPPY?
We are always trying to live and be in the moment
that we forget everything else around us.
We become ignorant to the fact that even simple loving is pain.

Someday when we lose everything and everyone we ever cared about
That will be the day we regret the decisions we take now
Not even death can alert us
As it will only be a memory that's soon forgotten...

We lose the genuineness
And get consumed by what is trending,
An honest gesture of pure love
But only to be questioned a thousand times and over.....

Where did it all go wrong?
Are we blinded by what we do not see and only hear?
Kindness and Compassion simply for humanity
With empathy that drives our soul in directions...

May we be the generation that reflects
May we be the generation of do-ers
May we be the generation of self lovers
May we be the generation of givers and
May we be the generation that brings forth change!

Its too early to lose faith in humanity...

16.08.19

Love Conquers All

You gave me meaning
I don't always have the right words to say
All this searching and you're the best thing that I've found
I know you're here to stay...

You let me say all the stupid things I say
I know I make mistakes and Let you down
You stretched out your arms and held me tight
Loved me more than I ever knew...

We may not be perfect and trust me no one is
We may get jealous and insecure
We may bleed love more than we know
But we are both here to stay now...

We learn from our mistakes
We may fall many times but we always try
"Love conquers all"
And we know to pick ourselves up every time...