Now what?

How often do we feel feelings that we have no explanations for?
Thoughts running wild in my head
Sometimes I can't even get a peaceful sleep at night…

There are so many places I just want to drift away
I even thought of running away from these tiny hiccups
And the regular faces…

But I chose to be stronger and face this chaos
Stand up for what I believe in
Even if it meant I’d lose a few people…

I long to take risks and go on adventures
No regrets, only a meaningful life to live
Serve with humility and carry forth the compassion…

I Found You

In this mist of chaos, I found you
When hope seemed lost, I found you
When autumn turned into winter, I found you
When sports lost its glory, I found you
When I saw you, I found you.

Through the butterflies I felt I found you
The feeling of a new found happiness
When all hell around me broke lose
Through the lens I accidently stumbled
The found you on the other side

This naive soul touched my soul
Brought a better light to this darkness
Moments from a smile that melted me
From the innocence of truth I found in you
Brought this reality of to shame

The eyes of freedom need not speak more
For my heart understood the matter alone
And that day I knew I found something in you
That cold December where my heart grew
Watching the bright city lights I found you!

Final Call

Guided by a beating heart
Unknown of where this road may take me
I'm not growing any younger
Didn't know I was lost
Until I found myself at the crossroads

This wanderlust takes me further south
Another day of wasted wishful thinking
Places to conquer, this darkness to beat
Where else can I go?
All these roads lead me to nowhere

Love consumes me
It drains me of energy and thoughts
It aches my bones and digs through the veins
It rips me apart of all I've held together
It finally numbs my senses as cold as ice

Vivid dreams continue to haunt
Confuses and turns over this reality
Familiar faces stopping this beating heart
Sweaty palms and heavy breathing
For once I knew I was dreaming alright

Sparks Fly

On a cold wintry December night
exploring the red city lights,
I saw fire within you
and the sparks immediately flew.

A long winding road ahead
'Thinking out loud' with Ed Sheeran
This was not a temptation
But rather, I chose to be here.

So when you're gone tomorrow
Memories will I hold on to,
So kiss me gently
Under this thick blanketed sky.

With no second thoughts I gave it a try
You took the first step and I followed
Cold hands or cold ears it didn't matter
I was with you and you were with me!

Sitting between the stone block
Admiring the starless night
Minutes had turned into hours,
And then in that moment we were one.

Soft touch and tingling sensation
I looked at you and you at me
Gentle and honest were your eyes
And I never wanted to leave...

Happy Anniversary!

There was a man who swept me off my feet the moment I met him. It was definitely love at first sight, I fell straight for his personality, charm, charisma and the gentleman he was. The aura I felt when I was with him was unbelievable which made me doubt initially if this was too good to be true. But these doubts dissolved as that was just who he was and I was definitely lucky to have met him that one cold winter day...

When I met you, I knew immediately that you were the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and today I'm living that. Love often makes people do dumb and stupid things. It makes people vulnerable, make bad decisions and end up falling for the wrong person. You lose control of yourself and your clear thinking and I was afraid of all that at first. But when you came into my life, you made every step easier each time. I became a better person. You made it so much easier for me to let go of all that still haunted me.

Thank you for teaching me that there are good things that exists in this world and you've shown me that these good things can happen not only to everybody but to me as well. You've opened my heart again to feel the 'good' love and broadened my mind to see the good in others. I've learnt from you that it is okay to let go and do the things that I love if it makes me happy. I've learnt to be patient and appreciate you more for all that you do for me and everyone else. I've learnt to accept that your job requires you to work around the clock at odd days and hours of the week. Moreover, I still haven't learnt quite yet to sleep without you beside me when you're off  for several days on duty (Haha it's true).

Because of you I believe in love more than ever and sometimes when things unfold unexpectedly I'm optimistic that it is just for the moment because I know that loving you and being loved by you conquers all these minor obstacles. I'm happy that I've let my guard down with you and you are worth everything to me.

You are my 'Person' who changed me for the better.
You are my 'Person' who is my beacon of salvation.
You are my 'Person' who taught me to believe when all was running empty.

Thank You for saving me before I lost hope in Love.
Thank You for being the man I needed in my life.
Love you to the moon and back~

Fictitious

We trapped our way through bliss
Unable to escape
All those feelings
Atleast I got some answers

Do you ever dream like this?
A reality show within a show
Truth denied by the dominating ego
I wonder how you managed to  escape

Afraid of what I might see next
I decided to wake up in consciousness 

Time of the hour was nine
Except the door was slightly open

Windows with no exits
One beating heart against the next
I could hear behind the doors
The Ignorance and denial
Of this affair which  happened only in my dreams...

Bhutan Women’s First Basketball Team: A Trip to the Philippines

On 19^th of July, 10 of us boarded flight PH173 to Manila as the first ever Women’s Basketball Team from Bhutan. Our team consisted of 10 players: Sangay Choden (22), Zimbiri (23), Yeshey Om (21), Sonam Choden Tshering (22), Sonam Yangzom Yonten (24), Tshering Pem (23), Sonam Pelden (19), Tshering Lhaden (22), Ongzin Lhamo Dorji (27) and Namzay Kumutha (26). Our coaches Sonam Tashi, Taylor Belmont, Allison Drennan and Kirk Sheplay also joined us on this trip.

During our 2 weeks stay there in Manila we played a total of 12 games. Our first international game was played on the 21^st of July against Rizal Technological University where we lost by 3 baskets with a score of 56-62 at the end of the 4^th quarter. That evening we had another game scheduled with St. Paul’s University where it ended in a close win for us by half a basket with a score of 64-65 points. As excited as we were about this first win we had to brace our excitement for the many games that we were yet to play in the next few days. Our third game was played against Don Bosco Technological College which was rather an interesting game as we ended up in a draw of 66-66 points with no overtime.

Playing these few games we realized that we had to not only play smarter but toughen up physically as well since the teams in Manila were a lot more aggressive compared to here in Bhutan. In our fourth game we lost to San Beda College Alabang with the final score of 57-67 points, this defeat made us realize that we needed to play as a team and strengthen our defence as they were continuously cutting along the baseline. So the next day on 24^th July, we played against Rizal Technological University again and this time instead of another loss we surprised them with  our good defence, executed our offensive plays, and most importantly talking on defence which gave us a win by 54-50 points.

Our main challenge for the entire trip was getting use to the humidity there especially while playing even though almost all the basketball courts were located indoors with huge fans (we were literally sweating buckets). In our sixth game we was played against Adamson University, the University league champions and we lost by 17 points with a final score of 46-63 points. 

However, that weekend we saw more than just basketball courts. We travelled 4hrs south of Manila to the neighbouring city of Batangas and played a local team called Lady Pirates in their local sports coliseum for an exciting game opener before the NCAA Division-I game and won with 64-69 points. We spent the weekend there in Batangas conducting a coaching camp for children who were 16 years and below and the turnout was more than 100 boys and few girls. We led them into a group stretch and the children were divided accordingly based to their age. They practiced right and left hand layups, defence positions, form shooting, baseline jumpers and ball handling skills.

We had a 7am game the next day upon our return to Manila against a University court on 6^th floor which ended up in a miserable loss as we were thrashed in the first 2 quarters. The following day we were invited by the Philippines Women’s University to their pep rally for an exhibition game against their team and we won that game. In the evening we played against ChangKai Sheg Univeristy in Chinatown and it was yet another victory for us even though it was a low score of 34-39 points. With only 2 more games left, we moved to a close by city of Cavite where we were hosted by Josh Manthey from Kids International. We went to Tent City and took part in their regular feeding program.     

                   

We also held another coaching clinic and had only girls from a local foundation home. In the end we also had shooting competition where we gave away t-shirts as prizes.

Our second last game we played against Our Lady Faith University and lost to them by 46-51 points even though we had a great lead in the beginning, their swiftness beat us to a loss. And finally our last game in Manila was up against La Salle University and with a close score of 53-56 points. 

Since day one of practice in Bhutan until our first game in Manila, we saw vast improvement in our players, from the way they played on the court, to the way the strategic defence and the plays were executed. We not only played cohesively as a team but also managed to keep calm under pressure. Being the First women’s Basketball team to be trained in such a short duration by the American/Australian coaches and perform as well as we did, we are very proud of how far we have come. We now have many goals to achieve for the future of Women’s Basketball here in Bhutan. Not only with the development of the sport but by giving young women the equal opportunity to learn and play basketball alongside the men in our country.

One of my teammates Sangay Choden summarized her trip as: “It was a great experience and a good exposure which we wouldn't have got from here in Bhutan. We got to learn a lot of new things and played like a team. We met a lot of people and it was fun learning and teaching at the same time. It was the best thing and we should encourage the younger generations to play basketball. Go team Bhutan.”

Denying Truth

A strong wind swallowed us up in the air
swirling high, feet above the ground
I try to reach out to you but I was numb
All I could feel was the sudden climb...

As I opened my eyes
to a blurry silhouette
staring straight at me
A dark 2 am it was
I hid under the blanket

Lights switched on
Everything about me was shiver
Sweaty palms and feet
I was afraid to close my eyes

Vivid images from words
I look beside me for comfort
everything was still and unmoved
Tears swell, heart was pacing
I breathe for air

"It's all in the mind, there is no one, easy"
He said to me as if he knew it
I couldn't close my eyes
So waited for minutes to pass by
For dawn would break eventually
And then everything would be okay...

There is a truth to it:
"When we sleep we let lose our souls to wander"
We are incapable of this very control
over our minds and our body
lifeless we remain
to the truth beyond us...

The Universe and Me

This feeling...
The emptiness of a whole solitude
Heart falling in a matter of seconds
Suddenly trapped in a powerful wave
Moments disappear into this disease
Slowly eating every part of the body!

Simple things complicating life
The seed of love falters away
Truth buried deep within the sands
and
Life is beautiful for my own good.

The full moon and it's gravitational pull
I let it serenade me
weaving my thoughts together
unfinished and unraveled
It all collapsed helplessly.

Love is a wildfire
It burns so quickly
making darkness an unsung melody
refusing to applaud
The voice my tragedy
Ruining everything I love,

How do I  Love?...

Shiver of Doubt

Yet again, one of those days...

Timeless and recurrent
She stood still
Without any answers to her question
One foot in and the other following close behind
She didn't seem to understand what was happening.

All he said was that she would get mad.

she didn't even know her
Nor was she ready to judge her yet
His actions had already made an impression of her in her head
Whether she liked it or not
She was already seen as marked

Is that fair in life?
Judging someone without knowing them??
I certainly don't think so
And yet the story never changes.

She gets mads knowing he is not truthful
Casting doubt upon what is not there
Make belief of what was lost
Kinda hard for anyone to believe...

She once had hope that things would start fresh between them
But he always thought of her as someone who never understands him

Where is the silver linning on this cloud today?
1 year ago exactly changed their lives
And alot has happened since then

She needs to control her temper
He needs to open up to her

Sometimes she wondered why life played games with her
When everything was falling into place.
Was it a test she had to pass?

Everything happens for a reason...
Except this time round it was not happening to people around her
but it was happening to her...

Trip to Ubud - Bali

The whole ride from Nusa Dua To Ubud the driver spoke of what Bali had to offer. The Governor, Politics, recent Bombings, the geographical features such as the volcanoes, the flooding in Jakarta, etc. He did seem to know a lot but I guess that came with what he did for a living.

I was very surprised to find that gas (petrol) was very expensive here. For 20 liters the driver paid 13,00,000 Rupiah (divided by 20 = 65,000 divided by 12,000 which comes to 5.41 dollars per liter so that multiply by 20 =108.3 dollars for 20 liters), so that in Ngultrum comes to Nu. 6,825.00 (Yep! Pretty expensive if I got my Math right) 

The first stop we made was at a Batik workshop where we saw a few ladies showcasing to tourists like us their artistic skills and explaining how the process of batik, how they are printed, weaved and just like those Jim Thompson stores, they had a huge one inside.

Woman weaving Batik Cloth

Batik Cloth being woven

Batik Design in process

A Silver Pendant in the process of making

Still on the way to Ubuud, we stopped by a silver workshop since that area was famous and well known for gold and silver works. Apparently, most of the silver and gold are controlled by foreign investors but with Indonesian owners (clearly fronting and this is an inside scoup...haha)

A Woman at one of the Silvershop

Then we moved towards to a temple in ubud which lies below the presidential house which looked very green and modern architecture. They had bath places where people came to either purify, for their health and the last stone bath place was meant only for the Royals. Everything seemed rather different than normal to us but the stone carvings they had looked very similar to the wood carvings we have in Bhutan. Gede told us that here in Bali 90 percent of the religion is Hindu while the other islands of Indonesia are mostly inhabited with Muslim population and apparently they are constantly at war between the two religions.

Hindu Temple

Purification Ritual

Second Bath Pool

Visiting the Temple in the most Local style

Presidential House on top of the Hill

Prayer and Posing

Feeding the Hungry fishes

As we were driving up to see the volcano in Kitimani, we passed by many coffee plantations and orange orchards. It started to rain but it was very cool never the less in the car which was very comfortable and our driver Gede never failed to entertain us. I also learnt that Gede is a common name just like Karma or Sonam but here the name Gede belongsto the lowest farmer caste in the Hindu caste system.

We drove up to Kintamani village to See the volcano as luck had it on our side we saw the glimpse of the volcano mountain before it started to fog up. Apparently the village remains very foggy throughout the day day and seldom they see sunshine. As we were there it reminded me of the place in Kodai or even Ooty. 

One interesting thing to note is that as we entered the village we had to pay 25,000 for the both of us as tax to the village tax collectors and I appreciated this effort because the money goes back to the village and for their prosperity.  

Volcano Mountain

  

One funny thing I learnt is that one day "Silent Day" in a year people do not come out of the house,  stay indoors, not allowed lights,  no airplane movement, no movement. It is suppose to be a silent dead day. Purpose: not too sure but I think it is darn good idea by the government to promote family time together as I am sure one or two family members are always working to earn for their livelihood. This only happens in Bali. 

Driving back we stopped by a coffee plantation to taste and buy some luwak coffee which is the world's most expensive coffee. Expensive because they domesticate the civit * in a cage and feed them with coffee beans which they eat and poop it out. Before they poop it out, the coffee beans  are eaten and due to their digestive enzyme it takes away the biter taste and does something miraculous inside their stomach. When they poop they collect the beans in the morning and wash them with hot water before it is dried. Then the bean is peeled and roasted. That's how luwak coffee is made :)  the animal looks like a cat with long tail  and hangs upside down and crawls etc but not friendly. The fur is not so thick but they were all kept in single cells and there was about 12 of them. As the taxi driver told us the other day "Luwak in jail" and he just couldn't stop laughing.

Bali Pulina : Coffee Plantation

Coffee Arabica

Luwak

Different coffee types

After this we had lunch at this cool resturant in Ubuud where Tshe Namgay had the most yummiest Pork Ribs and then drove back down to Nusa Dua to end the trip.

Price of the trip: 650,000 Rupiah...

You and Me...

I once met a wonderful man
on a cold night in February
a perfect gentleman
and we instantly hit it off
Then soon enough we started to fall in love

From that day until now
We've been in love
and he was all I could think of...

9 months later we got married
one of the days I forever will cherish
Since then every day is happiness...

My hero, my kryptonite
A true diamond in my sky!












Thank You for giving my life and true meaning and bringing out the sunshine.
You've accepting me for who I am with all my flaws and made me a better person with time.

My outlook on life has changed.
and I am lucky to have you to love everyday...

Reason

A sad soul is always up past midnight.

I think it is a miserable feeling in the world trying to sleep when you've got a million things running in your head and you tell your mind to stop and even your heart tells you to do so because it has seen and knows you better than you think. I may never understand why I would never be the best when I thought I was most important . It's true what they say "We accept the love we think we deserve" and no matter how far we try to drift away from this truth, the fear of neglect is far greater. Greater than the feeling of the unknown or even drowning, rape, betrayal or murder. I have started to differentiate between alone and loneliness. The heart has its own reasons that even reason does not know.

What would it take to be wrapped up in his arms?
I cannot understand nor can I be empathetic
But I try hard to feel this glimmer of hope waiting to be ignited.

There is no light burning brightly at the end of the tunnel nor is there a wickering flame from a candle nearby. Sometimes we expect more from others, because we would be willing to do the same for them. There will be a time when we must choose between what is easy and what is right as what comes easy won't last and what lasts won't come easy. And sometimes you realize that the only mistake you make is in caring too much.

I am only human.
I bleed when I am wounded
I ache when I am hurt
I crash and then breakdown.

So whatever I decide to do I am going to make sure it makes me happy for everyone I meet is fighting a battle and I know nothing about it so I chose to be kind always. Often people think that being alone makes one lonely but I've realized that it is not true. Most times, being surrounded by wrong people is the loneliest thing in the world.

There are two types of people in this world:
(1) Those who say "I will believe it when i see it:" and
(2) Those who say "To see if, I know i must believe it"

So as  i try to drift back to sleep past midnight, it is said that those who don't sleep confuse reality with dream... Who are you?

Tattoos and Inks

So, this is what my next tattoo is going to be or at least what i am hoping along with some roman numerals which has the wedding date or something very significant...

My first tattoo was in April 2012 when I was still in Vancouver. I went with my friend Cameron who was braver than I thought (ha-ha) to this place called "Adrenaline" on Granville street. This place has quite the reputation for good artists and the sketches :) So I took my chance and got a tattoo that reads "MITAGPA" which is the Buddhist Doctrine of Impermanence and he did a pretty good job I reckon. 

Not too sure where I am going to get my next one but right now i'm thinking on the inner arm area which is going to hurt I know from all the reads online and according to the tattoo pain guide but I think it is going to be worth it after I get it. I just have to contemplate carefully just like I did on the earlier one.

As Thich Nhat Hanh beautifully put it "You are like a candle. Imagine you are sending light out all around you. All your words, thoughts and actions are going in many directions. If you say something kind, your kind words go in many directions, and you yourself go with them. We are ...transforming and continuing in a different form at every moment..."

Starry Night

Like Diamonds in the dark sky
A starry starry night
Shinning bright taking position
I stood in awe as I gazed upward...

They spoke to me in a language I somehow seemed to understand
At least for that very moment
Blinking endlessly trying to communicate..

Twinkle twinkle little star
How I wonder what you are...?
A burning sun? A planet or a speck of light
I can't tell just yet

You question my grounded beliefs
You even doubt my existence
Tonight I wish upon you
For infinite love and trust
So that I may start to believe again...

Workout

With my trainer gone to Bangkok to sit for a trainer certification course for almost a month, I'm trying my best to stay motivated and go to the gym as regularly as I can like he was there.

I was motivated and did legs last evening which was painful. Even without a trainer a fellow client of my trainer helped me get through the evening with lots of aches and oohs.

14 days until the big day and I continue to remain motivated to go to gym with everything else around me especially with the wedding preparations.

Fire Escape

Like constellations aligned on my body
etched round and red with bumpy markings
Of sensations that itch to be scratched

One, two and many more emerge
Sourced from the smallest black dot
that scavenge and move on...

I've seen the place and heard about it too
A distant galaxy far off in the woods
enclosed by vines and bushes
As moods go astray
like ivy on a high concrete wall
climbing to spread across the top...

A blaze firing at every direction
Out of control from the core
I see ladders and I'm slowly rising
Or was I descending
I couldn't tell for sure...

Everyone was hurt or burnt
Miraculously we survived without any scratch
An omen to what is yet to come
I am choosing to believe that:
Everything happens for a reason!

Story Part I

The Beginning

It was the year of the dragon, twenty four years ago that in the high altitudes of Laya there lived a little boy with rosy cheeks. He was the youngest child in his family along with an elder sister. When he was one years old, his father died while trying to save his family against the brutality of the feudal lords and his mother and sister did domestic labour around the neighbourhood as it was their only source of revenue. The little boy was born in the village of Gasa, located high along the snow peaked mountains which were only accessible by yaks. The population was barely a few hundreds and they survived mostly by eating yak meat, cheese and rice that were brought up from Punakha during the summer months by the local traders. And those who could afford would exchange their local produces with the Tibetans along the border through barter system for spices and other rations that are not found in Laya.

Ever since that day, the boy’s mother knew he was destined for greatness as his birth was surrounded by auspicious and superstitious beliefs. The entire village witnessed a full prominent rainbow was around the sun and even the thick misty weather suddenly cleared out bringing much desired sunshine and warmth. The clear blue skies above the entire Laya community spoke of a miracle birth of a high lama but however, they could be mistaken this one time.  

The boy’s mother was overjoyed as her son was born on this very day and thus decided to call him Gesar. Before the boy was born, the village barely saw any mothers giving birth to boys for a long duration of five years as most women had miscarriages during pregnancy which gave rise to high mortality rates in comparison to neighbouring villages.  And ever since the birth, the entire village of slowly started to progress forward. Their crops and vegetables started to grow and the entire village came together as one community rather than individualistic. Even though it took a few years for people to change, they started to live together in harmony where everyone was willing to help and be there for one another. Neighbours started to grow closer and families were extended.

But things didn’t stay this way for long and it wasn’t until Gesar turned eleven when the village was visited by a mysterious looking man. His clothes were tattered but similar to that of a gomchen*, the outer skin of his hands was darkish brown almost black in color while his palms were strikingly pale white prominently displaying the palm lines. The texture looked almost like leather but had more resemblance to an old man with dirty, long uncut nails. His face was scrubby looking, hardly shaved and his shoes had several holes in them from walking miles after miles and his bag looked almost empty. When the village people had gathered to welcome this man he declared himself as a paow* who foresaw into the future and came to warn the people of this tiny village.

He warned the village elders about what is yet to come and not to let any of their children travel outside their village until they turned seventeen as there would be huge consequences which the entire population would face and if the word of warning is not taken seriously then they would soon all perish to be non-existent. Soon after the entire village held a meeting and decided to put signs and build walls to protect their children and their village from the evil that was yet to come.

Gesar’s mother Dema was frightened of the thought of having Gesar grow up in this tiny village as education was scarce limiting knowledge and opportunities for personal growth. Her main reason to send Gesar to Punakha when he was fifteen was particularly the death of her husband Tobgay who was brutally killed by the feudal lords. It happened when the lords increased taxation and demanded surplus revenue from their family and when he spoke back to defend them without any mercy he was brutally killed.  

Four years passed by and Gesar was now fifteen years old. The warning soon became a tradition as only those who turned seventeen that year could leave the village. Some returned with tales about seeing the takin in Thimphu, some even brought back electronics that fascinated the elders while the rest only spoke of beautiful men and women whom they fell in love with. Gesar was no ordinary boy as he taught himself to read and write without attending school as the only nearby school stood at the foothills of the mountain passes behind the high inaccessible snowy peaks. Dema was worried for her son’s future as he was truly gifted; some even believed him to be a reincarnation of a high lama that passed away a few months before Gesar’s birth.  

Jet Plane

This is the end
A reason why goodbyes were even invented
It's not as hard as I thought

As I'm much stronger this time...

Honesty and expectation is the root of all evil
So you can't try to hurt me anymore...

Tomorrow,
A day when I'll be a better me
Renewed of my vows and promises
And when dawn breaks lose

You will be forgotten...

Amidst the thoughts and memories

11.10.12 will not be forgetten
Even the stars shine much brighter today
I'm sorry I never got the chance to know you,
For I am only a dreamer...

Sky is the Limit

Rim John said "Without a sense of urgency desire loses its value"
So I threw my heart over the fence in anticipation
Time waited for no one, not even me this time
All I had was moments to live by...

Imagine in a battleground you take cover
You hope your shield will protect and not expose
But knowingly you take the risk
And enter into this territory...

When do you know that you've gone too far?
Do you enjoy the little moments until then?
The summery heat adds up to the fiesta
So do you wait for a while or give in?

Taking the lust and hiding it behind green lushes
Strong feelings given the moment
lasted only for a while
But this time was very different...

The scorching sun and the time of the day
might have added to the quick decision
Then she waited upon this dreaded moment
Where the dead emotions moved...

We live in a beautiful world that is full of beauty, charm and adventure. There is no end to the adventures we can have if only we seek them with our eyes open.

As time goes on you'll understand that what lasts, lasts and what doesn't, doesn't. Time solves most things and what time cannot solve, you have to solve yourself...