Deep thoughts at 2 am: Part II

Continuation (Part 2)

...When it all came to me as a surprise I accepted it and challenged the way I feel about this person! Days turned to weeks, weeks into months and then a year and 3 months... With distance it seems shorter but it has been quite the journey and I can almost like compare it to a car... If it doesn't get enough conditioning and servicing time to time on a regular basis then it won't seem to function in a proper manner nor will it work in the long run. Similarly, relationships too need this conditioning whether it is the individual or the relationship as a whole picture!!!

With 11/15 months being apart on a short term basis to every 4 months, it has taught  me to bare with the stormy tides and hope for a better weather once it's all over :) and that's what I exactly did... I tried and held on to see if I could love or if he could teach me how to love...

This made me feel stronger than I was before, braver to endure and then smarter to fight decisions and by being precautions about my actions so the same mistakes won't happen twice!!

Of course, I would be lying if i said that my relationship with my partner is perfect as firstly nothing is perfect even if we keep trying to get there but i mist acknowledge that we do have quite a bond as compared to the other couples around us!Being apart from each other for strenuous weeks continued this one year and 3 months but it has taught me that "you must never try to change who you are at the cost of others, not to be taken advantaged off by your own blood and  some times Accept that friends are just bad at keeping in touch!!

So i musnt expect anything from anyone and as time went by just like the passing clouds from above, I kept my heart and emotions closed out to the rest of the world as I thought and believed that it is possible to love suddenly. With days we started playing this game called loyalty where we had to build trust up... But I tumbled like the boulder of Sisyphus who kept trying to push it up the Mountain and it kept rolling down once it reached the top!!! Of course human fallacy is inevitable and I didn't intentionally start conversations knowingly with the officer but rather it was a built up of friendship that led the road elsewhere instead of the middle path! Nothing else was involved but naive conversations and messages and I guess feelings do stray apart when you lose touch!

It was the month of April earlier this year where I felt neglected and ignored by my partner and guess who was there for me? The other guy who listened to my stress, shared jokes, light hearted conversations and kept me company when I needed the most.... The bond got closer after that and I really considered him a good friend but life always has a funny way of presenting situations in the most unexpected manner so when I was back home in the summer, it all spilt out like a jack in the box! Sprang out to surprise everyone including myself actually... I had no idea where it was all going except that i knew it had to end somewhere and it did.. They say that every beginning comes from some other beginning's end and just like that the last strand holding back was snipped with a huge scissor that didn't come from my hand. "Mitagpa" as my tattoo reads means impermanence and a lot in life have i realized are not permanent right from relationships to friendships, things, situations and some times there are things that you just cant see until it gets too late...just like people who flip out at the last minute or all of a sudden you start to see after 3 long years of knowing the person and then all of a sudden he's a total stranger that you start to question yourself why you didn't see that coming in the first place? It's also plainly said by many that "Love is Blind" and i can't agree more to it as i clearly didn't see what i got myself into and now i do understand it all after stepping out for the freshest air i ever did breathe... 


Like Camus in his novel, he says much of our life is built on the hope for tomorrow and yet tomorrow is a step closer to the end (death) and thus it becomes our very own enemy as people live so uncertain about life and death that once the world seems so estranged and inhuman, true knowledge of it all and the rationality just cannot explain the world. Everything becomes absurd and meaningless once it is recognized...Just like that uncertainty continues to rule our lives making me realize how important everyday is to live to the fullest with no regrets and set backs.

to be continued to Part III ...

Snow in Mid November

Deep thoughts at 2 am

Emotions run deep, clearly at the second hour of the first day when darkness falls over the city blinding the source from the light. And here, i tend to find myself in perfect solitude reasoning for my very existence and how it taught me to love...

Until i was done with high school, I've studied at two schools that were both based on the christian faith and I've learnt that the bible (1 Corinthians 13:4) teaches that: "Love is patient, love is kind, it does not boast, it is not proud" but I actually wonder if the author himself actually did fall in love to actually write this or was it the teachings of his preacher?
Of course, love is patient to those who are in long distance and have to wait months before seeing each other, and it has to be kind because without kindness there is no relationship and bonds developed at times. It does not boast but some people do to make others feel horrible for being single and that goes along with having pride too. So i don't really see how i agreed on this before and its hard for something like this to exist to think about it and i am sure many Christians out there believe that as well but who am i to judge right? All i can say is that 'Jealousy' and 'Pride' are very often hard emotions that tend to haunt us no matter how much we may try to eradicate it...Love is defined differently to every one of us and it is not how we follow step by step that is written in some book but rather how we as unique individuals understand this concept that allows us to love another with no clear boundaries or steps.

Often love can be ironic as we tend to ignore those who adore us, adore the ones that ignore us, love the ones who hurt us and hurt the ones that love us. I cannot say that i know what love really is as i am only 23 and had just a valid relationship but from my prior experience of being with someone for 3 years has definitely taught me how not to love someone and trust them entirely. Being in love is a completely different feeling that is indescribable for anyone but yourself to understand. The experiences may be similar or coincidental but i think no love is the same!

The love i was most familiar with was the love i got from my family and friends. It wasn't until i was done with my high school that i actually decided to experiment with love and see how it feels to love somebody. To cut a long story short i gave it a try and it lasted for 3 years with ups and downs like a relationship is normally suppose to be but i never knew it was possible to fall out of love until it happened to me in the third year of the relationship...  funny how it all happened but i think it was all because he was more in love with me than i was ever with him. We developed a bond and shared proximity and i cared and loved him but sooner or later "shit hit the fan" and just like a volcano, the contents built up to provide enough force to emit out all that was building in and finally caused an eruption that caused damage but not extensively...

Then as unexpected as it all happened, when i wasn't looking at all, love surprised me and came out of no where. It found me on a random night/early morning on September 4th...
(to be contd...)

Poetry on the go

"It will rain and wash away the past
If you Come away with me
You'll see and understand
So let it rain over you and me..."

The clouds got heavier and darker
As I found myself standing at a crossroad
Watched the rain hit pavements
As i lived the blissful moment

My feet got wet but didn't matter
The rain trickles down my face
Drenching every part of me slowly
Who said loving someone is easy?

We held on as the waves got rough
Anticipated the tides to come
Life was what we made of it
And it rained every single day

Our hearts stayed silent
Soul searching was what he said
But the rain carried on
Just like the clocks that keep ticking...

Katy Perry-The One That Got Away

The Postlude to the video:
I loved you and made you happy and nothing else could come between but now you've left me to love another, you've have shattered all my dreams. You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, You make me happy...

This song is one of my favorite songs by Katy Perry.. The lyrics are so meaningful, and the sweet Ballad about lost love and finding the guy then getting matching tattoo's on her 18th birthday before hearing later on that he got his removed so she know the relationship is over. The music video is beautiful :) just like the song and it tells one not to make things that may change the relationship.



Another song i can't get enough of: Marry Me by Train.


"Forever can never be long enough for me 
Feel like I've had long enough with you 
Forget the world now we won't let them see 
But there's one thing left to do..."


I love it how it is so romantic, and how it captures the honest passion of loving some one and being in love with that some one. It also portrays how one can never get close enough to the person and even if you so end up spending all the time in the world with each other, there is actually no amount of time that will really give you enough time with each other.. ou end up realizing that It is never enough...

Besides 'Drop of Jupiter', 'Words' and 'If it's Love' and 'Hey, Soul Sister', this has got to be one of my all time favourite song because of not only his voice but by the way he captures the romance in the songs... "_"

Whistler from the Lens

Bhutan: The pursuit of Happiness

Ted Talk Halifax: Silver Donald Cameron on Bhutan